The Classic Loop

You're trying to say I can't, well yes I can. (B280)

2012-02-14T23:24:00.000-08:00

Let's venture outside of The Classic Loop paradigm for a moment in order to wrestle with some quotes from things I've read recently.

"I still feel that there is too much music in the world. I'm not convinced that we need to make any more music. I read this statistic that said 75% of music on iTunes has never been downloaded once. It's depressing, but it also makes you think that we should stop making music until we listen to it all, and then we should start again. We're in a bit of a muddle about the function of music, and why we're making it, and what we expect from our music. I mean, surely, everything has been said about love already by now. Presumably everything has been said about war already. It feels like people think they have a right to make music or express themselves in a certain way. I think you have a right to express yourself, but I don't necessarily think that there's automatically a right that people should be expected to listen."

from Matthew Herbert (British electronic musician)

"The things is so simple that sometimes one is even afraid to put it into words, for fear of being laughed at, and yet how true it is! One who does not believe in God will not believe in God's people. He who believes in God's people will see God's holiness too, even though he has not believed in it till then... And what is the use of Christ's words unless we set an example?"

Father Zossima, from "The Brothers Karamazov" by Dostoyevsky

The first quote is very recent, and thus is meant for right now. But even though he makes a compelling point, it's not a new one. Musicians and artists have said all throughout the history of art that "there's nothing more to say/do that's new." And they have never been right, so why should that be true now?

The second quote is around 150 years old, but it still captures an important truth about Christianity, which is that people who don't have faith in Christ will have very little reason to, unless they see Christians acting in a manner that can only be called good. I for one think that "good" has more to do with treating human beings with compassion and positively impacting one's community, and less to do with not drinking alcohol or saying swear words. That's not to say that I consistently live that out, but I do really believe that.

Inevitably, someone will disagree with me about this. Which makes me weary, because I wish we could all just be on the same page. Who is we? What page is it? I don't know. I don't know the answers to those questions.

And that's all I have to say about that.

The Plateuax of Mirror (B279)

2012-02-12T02:01:00.001-08:00

I started writing a blog earlier tonight about a self-realization I had while I was at a jazz concert this evening at Reed College. Then I decided that it felt too much like a journal entry to post on Blogspot, even though it was something I would feel comfortable sharing with pretty much anyone. So I am writing this blog instead. (Don't you hate that I just did that? Brought something up and then didn't tell you? That's the worst).

I had an iced americano today, the first one I have had in 2012, and probably the first one since about September. Strange, it wasn't even that warm outside, but it wasn't frigid or raining or overcast, and the sun was shining. So naturally an iced drink seemed appropriate. I was not disappointed. The donut I had with it was only mediocre, but it was unexpected and free, so I really can't complain. Even a mediocre donut is still pretty good.

Every time I look at someone else's blog, I always think that theirs is better than mine. Maybe not every time, but most times. They seem put together in a way that better encapsulates the medium of blogging, while I just write a few paragraphs of loosely related stuff and then list the music and movies I've experienced lately. Let me to check to make sure that's what this blog is... Yep, it is. Guilty.

I made some goals in January and six weeks into the year, I have made relatively good progress towards accomplishing most of them. There is room for improvement, but I guess if there wasn't then I wouldn't have any goals to work towards.

I should have gone to sleep already, but instead I'm writing this. Now, it's time to read a bit, only to fall asleep after a few minutes. It's inevitable. What isn't?

Recent Readings:
Don't Eat This Book by Morgan Spurlock
The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoyevsky

Recent Watchings:
The Office, Season 6
Certified Copy directed by Abbas Kiarostami
And the Band Played On directed by Roger Spottiswoode

Recent Listenings:
Ambient 2 by Brian Eno/Harold Budd
Age of Adz by Sufjan Stevens
Kid A by Radiohead
OK Computer by Radiohead
Threads by Paul Lanksy (performed by So Percussion)
Days by Real Estate
...and random stuff by Jill Scott, The Roots, J Dilla, Anberlin, etc.

Coach called me "The Tiger" (B278)

2012-01-16T19:46:00.000-08:00

Today is MLK day, which means I had the day off from school. This was nice, but also led to a day that has lacked productivity. That isn't entirely true, as I did go for a run, finish a homework assignment, and do some laundry. And I am going to work some more on my homework for Film and Health. But I woke up quite late and have been slow to do all those things. Also, I didn't practice, which always makes me feel less productive. But alas, I didn't feeling like going downtown today, so I didn't. And that's just how things go sometimes.

Is it healthy to constantly quantify your life with the measuring stick of productivity? I don't think I do it constantly, but I think I do it often. Without that measuring stick (and even with that measuring stick), I struggle to get all things done that I need to do to be successful. Well, my definition of successful. Which rests on being productive on a regular basis. So I guess it's all a big circle for now.

I could go for a cup of coffee right now, but I don't want to stay up super later, because I want to get to school at a reasonable time tomorrow. Maybe I will settle for tea, which I still do not like.

The internet is a wonderful source of information, but also a wonderful waste of time. And with that, I am going to end this fairly pointless blog and do some reading.

Recent Watchings:
Cache directed by Michael Haneke
Thank You For Smoking directed by Jason Reitman

Recent Listenings:
Red Buddha by Stomu Yamash'ta
Strange Mercy by St. Vincent
This Is Happening by LCD Soundsystem
Days by Real Estate
Ambient 1 and Ambient 2 by Brian Eno
Wake Up! by John Legend and The Roots
...and random pieces by the 20th century Japanese composer Toru Takemitsu.

Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots [Part 1] (B277)

2012-01-03T21:37:00.000-08:00

So I realized the other day that I literally got 11 out of the 12 things I asked for on my Christmas list from my blog. Which makes me think two things; a) I am spoiled, and b) it was extremely effective to write a Christmas list blog. I've yet to determine which of these feelings will affect my future actions more.

It's now 2012, and I have a few goals for the year. It's going to be hard to meet them all, but I think I am finally at a point in my life where I might be able to stick with it.

1. Exercise weekly. Consistently. Preferably more than once a week, but really I just want to exercise with some semblance of consistency.

2. Read more. Luckily and unluckily I ride the MAX every day to school. I am going to try to read less internet articles on my iPhone and read more books on the MAX this term.

3. A higher practice average then last term. I have a number in mind, but I won't tell you. But I do have the number in my mind.

4. Apply for the So Percussion Summer Institute. This one is getting taken care of in the next couple weeks. Whether I go or not remains to be seen, but I will apply.

5. Have a consistent income throughout the summer. Jobs aren't always fun, but paychecks are necessary. Nuff said.

6. This kind of goes along with goal number two; read the whole New Testament before June 15th (when school ends). I think this one is self-explanatory.

Maybe this year I'll even blog more! And apparently sleep less, based on these goals. Or maybe I should just have one overarching goal; waste less time. I'll get back to you on that one.

Recent Readings:
The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoyevsky (this is still really long...)
Silence by John Cage (one essay at a time)
Ephesians by Paul

Recent Watchings:
The Office, Season 5
The Naked City directed by Jules Dassin
A Dangerous Method directed by David Cronenberg

Recent Listenings:
Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots by The Flaming Lips
Ambient 2: The Plateaux of Mirror by Brian Eno and Harold Budd
Ambient 1: Music for Airpots by Brian Eno
Ode to Chin by Switchfoot
The Argument by Fugazi
Wake Up! by John Legend and The Roots
Illinois by Sufjan Stevens
Music for 18 Musicians by Steve Reich
My Running Mix (which consists of music that you can dance to or yell to)
...and a variety of pieces by John Cage written for prepared piano.

I don't know about my dreams... [Best of 2011] (B276)

2011-12-28T22:52:00.000-08:00

I was going to write a list of best music of 2011, similar to last year with 10 albums and 30 songs or something like that. But I couldn't figure out how to include everything I liked in that one list, in a way that made sense. And I like things besides albums and songs. So instead, I'm just doing my favorite things from 2011:

1. Bon Iver: the new album (it's all good, but "Holocene," "Perth," and "Calgary" stick out), the album's cover, and the live performance in Portland, which was one of the best I have ever seen.

2. "The Tree of Life" directed by Terrance Malick, starring Brad Pitt, Sean Penn (sort of...) and Jessica Chastain. Stunning, grandiose, intimate, contemplative, stern, graceful, simulatenously the embodiment and disembodiment of a concept of life.

3. The talented and growing collection of writers at Grantland.com, particularly it's founding writer/editor Bill Simmons, who is the best sports/humor columnist that exists. (Chuck Klosterman and Hua Hsu are also definitely worth reading, as is the monthly column on "Humble-Bragging").

4. Real Estate's new album, and the album cover, which I posted a couple blogs ago... It is so laid back and catchy while basking in its own simplicity and underproduced vocals.

5. The aesthetic of Nicolas Winding Refn's film "Drive," starring Ryan Gosling, who was all over the place this year. It was as visually striking as anything I've seen, utilized a vivid collection of characters (including a protagonist who barely talks), and featured a soundtrack that sounded like a high budget 80s synth fest, but in a good way.

6. St. Vincent's new record "Strange Mercy." Women just don't generally make albums like this. I don't mean that as an assessment of what female song writers are capable of, but as a criticism of what the music industry (and by association, fans) expect from female artists. The music video to "Cruel" is well worth 3 minutes and 17 seconds.

7. "Bizness" and "Powa" by Tune-Yards. This is a crazy talented lady, with the most interesting voice of anyone I know of. The range she displays at the end of "Powa" is unreal. These are the best two tracks from an album I don't otherwise know.

8. Anticipation, both short term (Radiohead announcing a new album a week before it came out), and long term (Kanye and Jay-Z releasing Watch the Throne almost a year after announcing they would collaborate on an album). Neither lived up to the ridiculous expectations put on them, but both were very good albums.

9. New albums featuring vocals drenched in reverb; thank you Julianna Barwick, Panda Bear, and Washed Out. (If you can only listen to one song, go with "The Magic Place" by Julianna Barwick).

10. Feel good films with depth and good acting. Thank you Woody Allen for "Midnight in Paris", and Thomas McCarthy for Win Win.

11. James Blake, in all his prolific endeavors, but mostly pertaining to the timely release of his debut full length. It was soulful and melodically interesting while occupying sonically and texturally relevant space. And it's not even 40 minutes long.

All the Same (because the night is just another day...) B275

2011-12-28T02:29:00.000-08:00

Brittany and I decided to go to a new movie theater (new to us, not to the world) tonight to see "The Ides of March". Except apparently they aren't playing that during the week, just the weekend. No biggie, we'll just see "Drive" then. Except apparently you have to be 21 to see movies at this theater after 7 pm. Lame.

Instead we went downtown to Powell's books, and then Tea Zone, which is on 11th and Hoyt. Tea Zone makes a mean bubble tea, and a mean scone as well. (Tangent: why is the term "mean" used to describe something that is really good, when being a mean person is a bad thing?)

To make this even more complicated, let's have Michael Scott weign in: "That's a pretty mean thing to do. But sometimes the end justifies the mean."

Our conversation from Tea Zone extended to the car, down I-84 and to my home in Troutdale. It covered a lot of things, some more serious then others, some things in more depth then others. It was one of those conversations where I realized that I am still really young and my life could still go a million different ways. I also pondered aloud if I am doing what I really want to do (for the umpteenth time, I'm sure). But the nice thing about those conversations is that they tend to settle me down and somehow make me more content with what I am doing.

I don't know if doubts about relationships or friendships or majors or careers or whatever else can ever be fully settled. But I figure if I wrestle with things within myself and with the people who are important in my life, and then make the best decision I know to make, then there is really nothing else I can do. Except wait. And wait and wait and wait.

And then every once in a while, we get to see.

Recent Readings:
The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky

Recent Watchings:
The Office, Season 5
The New World directed by Terrance Malick
Up in the Air directed by Jason Reitman
~~The Ides of March~~

Recent Listenings:
Days by Real Estate
Amid the Noise by So Percussion
The Argument by Fugazi
Helplessness Blues by Fleet Foxes
...and several versions of "Hark! the Herald Angels Sing!

I'm not superstitious... but I'm a little stitious (B274)

2011-12-10T00:58:00.000-08:00

I just got done with Season 3 of The Office... and the first episode of Season 4, because I couldn't help it. In retrospect, it is unbelievable that they made people wait until Season 4 for Pam and Jim to actually be in a relationship. Season 4 people! What if the show had got canceled after three seasons? Wow, that would have probably been one of the worst things ever. Like rabies. Okay, too much of The Office, I admit it...

In other news, I did absolutely nothing today. Yeah. Slept in. Uhh, messed around on the computer? Took a shower? Talked on the phone? Texted? Watched The Office? Do anything of these things count as doing things? Fact; I did not put on real pants at any point today. I put on my comfy Adidas running/track/lazy pants and never looked back. That's the first day of winter break for you.

But, tomorrow is a new day. And I will arise before noon. And I will practice some musical instruments. And continue working on my schedule for winter break, which does have a handful of things on it. And then see the lady.

Now it is time to brush my teeth, get in my bed, and consider sleeping. First, I'll listen to this a little more.

Recent Readings:
A Short History of the United States by Robert V. Remini

Recent Watchings:
The Office, Season Three (...and the first episode of Season Four)
Rosemary's Baby directed by Roman Polanski

Recent Listenings:
Days by Real Estate
Low Level Owl Vol. I and II, Mare Vitalis, and Peregrine by The Appleseed Cast
Manipulator by The Fall of Troy
"Heroes" by David Bowie
Let England Shake by PJ Harvey
Silent Alarm by Bloc Party
Symphony No. 1, Pathetique Sonata, etc. by Beethoven
Bromst by Dan Deacon
The ArchAndroid by Janelle Monae
Avalon by Roxy Music

Bitches Brew [by Miles Davis] (B273)

2011-12-04T01:00:00.001-08:00

All term I've been keeping track of my practice time. Now that the term is over (sans finals, which are next week) I decided to add up the total amount of time I spent practicing this term. Just to clarify, practicing means individual time, not rehearsing with an ensemble. Turns out I'm sitting between 160 and 165 hours. Which sounds pretty good, but if you average that out, it's only 16 hours a week or so. I'd like to be at about 20 hours a week, so I guess I'll set the goal for next term at 200 hours. We'll see if that works out or not.

Anyway, classes are now over. I've had three concerts in the past two weeks, and now it's just down to two finals and a jury. I've already had a good array of experiences at Portland State. Masterclasses with a world famous percussion group and a local percussion group that is just starting out. I've seen the Oregon Symphony and the Oregon Ballet Theatre perform, not to mention a bunch of performances at PSU (student jazz combos, flute ensemble, opera scenes, Oregon guitar quartet, etc.)

Personally, I've performed (either individually or in ensembles) works from the 18th, 19th, 20th, and 21st centuries, which is kind of crazy if you really think about it. I've performed music that was written four hundred years apart from each other! And I've done it in the last ten weeks.

I find it sort of funny when people tell me they play music but they never learned to read music because they just "learn better by ear." Think about it in terms of language; remember how you could speak before you could read? And remember how reading was really hard at first, and it would have been much easier for you to repeat a simple phrase by ear, then to try and read it? But then you get better at reading, and at some point it becomes a more efficient and exact way of learning information. For example, if you wanted to learn and then convey a large amount of very detailed and specific information, having it written down and available to read would be much easier than trying to learn all of the information aurally and then to reciting it back to someone.

Music is basically the same thing; reading music is really hard at first, but once you learn the language you can convey a bunch of really specific and detailed information without having to memorize it all. Isn't that way more efficient and less time consuming? Plus, people take for granted the modern capacity to record sound. How else would I be able to play a Bach cello suite if people hadn't devised a written language for music?

I guess my point isn't that I think everyone should learn to read music, which is unrealistic and ultimately unnecessary. But sometimes I wish people would think things through a little better for making statements like that. Who knows? Maybe I need to think through the things I say better as well.

I didn't intend to write this post about music and entry level philosophy, but I did, so there that is. Also, my stick/mallet selection continues to grow larger.

Recent Readings:
Perelandra by C.S. Lewis (finished)
A Short History of the United States by Robert V. Remini

Recent Watchings:
The Office, seasons two and three

Recent Listenings:
Murhhy-Bowie-Eno rotation
Round About Midnight and Bitches Brew by Miles Davis and co.
Contra by Vampire Weekend
Sound of Silver by LCD Soundsystem
The Red Tree by Moneen
undun by The Roots
All Delighted People EP by Sufjan Stevens
Music for 18 Musicians by Steve Reich
Yellow House by Grizzly Bear
...and lots of random stuff from Oasis, Lana Del Ray, Jay-Z/Kanye West, my "Hot Pants Drums" mix, Beethoven, plus random percussion music by John Cage, Steve Reich and David Lang.

The Provocation and Declaration of a Narcissist [A List, by Taylor Long] (B272)

2011-11-26T14:10:00.000-08:00

Okay, because Sarah requested it, here are my 100 Christmas list wishes... Or as many as I can think of. They will be numbered, but the numbers will not denote preference, but rather the order in which I think of them. (Also, I am a narcissist).

1. Cactus: If you don't know what to get me, or if you got me something but you feel like you need to "top off" your gift (by the way, you DO NOT NEED to top it off, I'm not that narcissistic), get me a cactus. Any size or shape. Duplicates accepted. Preferably I could fit this in my bedroom on a shelf, but if you feel the need to get me something huge, I will figure out what to do with it. Why cactus? Because they look cool, they are easy to take care of, and I can use them to perform the music of John Cage.

2. "That Hideous Strength" by C.S. Lewis. I own and have read/am reading the first two books in the "Space Trilogy." It's like a Christian Science Fiction series, which seriously sounds like the worst possible genre of fiction. But it's actually really good, and not just for Christian Sci-Fi. Like for reals, by real standards. I'm not making this up. (Also, if you choose to purchase this for me, paper back is preferred, to match my first two. But it's not a big deal.)

3. "Illinois" by Sufjan Stevens (also known as "Come On Feel the Illinoise). This is one of my favorite albums and I don't actually own a hard copy. I also don't own "Seven Swans," so if you're feeling in more of an intimate banjo mood, the latter might be more appropriate.

4. Anything Steve Schick has done. This includes his book, the complete Xenakis percussion recordings, and his recording of "The Mathematics of Resonant Bodies".

5. Any of the albums So Percussion has put out. Seriously, any of them. But... if I had single one or two out, they would be "Steve Reich: Drumming" or "Amid the Noise."

(Interlude): This is a lot of music recordings/music related stuff... Too much? I dunno. I'll try to think of some other things too. I promise.

6. My friend Lukas sent me a link to this poster. It's so funny (to me). Seriously, if you get me one thing off this list, it should be this poster. Maybe. I'll try to move on from percussion now. I will try.

7. Socks. I can always use more socks. Mom, if you are reading this, you know you want to buy me socks. You have my blessing. (Just normal white socks. Adidas, or whatever I normally get. And by "I", I mean you, Mom.) In related news, I am almost twenty one, and I have never bought myself underwear or undershirts. Awesome!

8. Gift cards to somewhere I can buy coffee. Or muffins. Or gas. Or anything else? This is starting to feeling really self-absorbed. (This is all your fault, Sarah, and you too America). (P.S.; Safeway, Stumptown, Cafe D, Whole Foods, even Starbucks... what?)

9. I would love to have a copy of The Godfather. I mostly care about the first movie, but I was doing some looking on Amazon, and this does look like an awesome deal. For the record, there are too many options for The Godfather, and it is confusing. That's all.

10. I was kind of trying to move away from this but... A recording of Music for 18 Musicians by Steve Reich. I know! I said I would stop with the music stuff. Or did I? (Also, to clarify, I am a fan of physical copies rather than mp3s, just in case you didn't know. Is that too snobby?).

(Interlude): I might be trying to visit the east coast over the summer for a summer music institute. This is still a big maybe. A really big maybe. So if you just want to put a few quarter in my piggie bank, that's cool too.

11. John Cage's book "Silence." I know, more music. I'm sorry. That's just what I do. I'll stop with the music, for reals this time.

12. Whatever you want. Anything you think makes a good gift. I love books, films, and music, but really, it's the thought that counts. Knick-knacks and doo-hickies are accepted and appreciated. Or just don't get me anything and spend time with me. I like food and hot drinks and slippers and friends to share all this with. That stuff's way important than anything else on this list. Just in case you weren't sure.

The owl and the tanager said... (B271)

2011-11-06T11:20:00.000-08:00

Oh hey, November. I didn't know you were here... No, no it's fine, really it is, we're happy to have you, it's just... Well, it's just that I didn't expect you till a little later.... I thought you were coming sometime after October 31st or so... Oh! I didn't realize... I'm so sorry, yes the time just flies by now, doesn't it? I can't even keep track of it.

That's how time goes now, doesn't it? I guess I better start working on my Christmas list or something.

I got paid to help this real estate agent move offices yesterday (Britt's mom's co-worker, in case you were wondering). This guy was the embodiment of gregarious, I am certain. He was a sizable man, and even though I did a lot of the work, sometimes he would swoop in to help, which was nice, because a lot of the things I definitely needed help to move (i.e. large filing cabinets, an end table, etc.). Sometimes we tag teamed, but often he would just get it himself. All by himself.

Also his favorite word is definitely "Shit." It was astounding how much he was able to use this word of the course of the 4 hours I spent with him. He used it in a variety of ways, and very frequently. Seriously, sometimes it was just a filler word, instead of "Uhm" or "Er." I can't iterate this point strongly enough. On a scale of one to mind-blowing, it was approaching mind-blowing.5 (mind blowing point five).

The time is 11:30 am, so this is an early post for me. Also, I am hungry and must eat. So I'm going to go do that. Nourishment is key.

When the revenant came down, we couldn't imagine what it was... (B270)

2011-10-30T14:30:00.001-07:00

I'm at Cafe D, and have been for almost three hours. They have been playing "Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots" (the whole album, not just the title track) by The Flaming Lips on repeat since I got here. It's reminded me how good this album is. But seriously, aren't they tired of it yet? I think this is the fourth time through it now. Even for me, four times through an album is a lot, if it's right in a row.

Humanity's (or at least America's) obsession with celebrity is something I've been thinking about lately. I find it very strange and troubling. If you post a picture of yourself with a celebrity on Facebook, people go nuts. Like one of my friends posted a picture of a few people that I know with Steven Tyler (who was in town for American Idol auditions). Whatever, that's cool. But it was astonishing to me how excited other people's responses were. Do they even like Steven Tyler and/or Aerosmith? Some of them, maybe. But most of them probably not; they are just enamored with the thought of being with someone who is deemed a celebrity. It's as if our society has decided celebrities are more important than all of us average people; celebrities are put on a pedestal, deified more than most people care to admit.

I sort of think this is unhealthy, especially considering the tumultuous state of so many celebrities' personal lives. Why is it cool that you have a picture with someone who has struggled with drug and alcohol addictions for decades? Are you more awesome because for 15 seconds you got to stand next to Steven Tyler? If you are, then why are you more awesome? And if you are not more awesome, then why does it matter? (For the record, I'm not particularly fussed and/or knowledgeable about this actual encounter with Steven Tyler, but it's helping me illustrate my point).

And to be fair, I've certainly had my share of celebrity idolatry. If you are American, it is inevitable because our society promotes it so much. But I also feel that is an obsession born from our insecurities about ourselves, from our unrealistic views (and therefore pedestal-ing of others), and from a savage media culture that feeds off of society (which feeds off the media, "it's a vicious cycle," etc).

Maybe I've missed something, something that makes this obsession more palatable or understandable. If so, I'm happy to reconsider. Thoughts?

Recent Watchings:
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind directed by Michel Gondry

Recent Readings:
Perelandra by C.S. Lewis

Recent Listenings:
Age of Adz by Sufjan Stevens and my "Sad But Beautiful" Sufjan playlist
Amidst the Noise by So Percussion
Sound of Silver by LCD Soundsystem
Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots by The Flaming Lips
Six Marimbas by Steve Reich
...and other such things

It was fear of myself that made me odd (B269)

2011-10-19T23:09:00.000-07:00

I just spent like 10 minutes doing some statistical estimations about The Classic Loop. By my rough approximations, I've written about 95,000 words on this blog since it's inception in 2008 (although technically it started in 2006, sort of). According to this forum, that means I've almost written a four-hundred page book over the course of about four years.

Why didn't someone make me harness this into real writing? Even if that caused me to be half as productive, I would still have close to a 200 page book on my hands. I could be selling it to publishers right now! Alas, it is too late, so I'll just keep blogging instead of harnessing it into a more legitimate form. (Does this surprise anyone? Anyone?)

The past few weeks have been a time for re-listening to music from the past. It's great. I think they call it nostalgia (read: I am certain they call it nostalgia). What a potent force, simultaneously enjoyable and deceptive. Things were never that simple, I assure you, and I should assure myself. It's really hard to objectively decide whether or not the music is good anymore, but I guess that's not really the purpose of exercising the nostalgia muscle.

So, onward and upward, while still keeping an eye on the rear view mirror now and again. As always I had no real plan for what to say in this blog, but I said it all anyway.

I suppose I should try to get a bit better at conducting before tomorrow, but I doubt it'll do much good. Perhaps I will succumb to sleep instead. That seems most likely.

We all got wood and nails, and we sleep inside this machine (B268)

2011-10-07T00:19:00.000-07:00

Facts about Taylor:

Apparently, it is exceedingly hard for me to drink beverages and not spill down my front. I am not really a messy eater or a clumsy person, but this drinking fault I will acknowledge. Seriously, I spill water on my shirt/jacket/whatever almost every day. Do you realize how often that is? That's every freaking day.

Today I realized that the thing I say the most while I'm actually practicing is "Dammit." Seriously, I probably said it ten to twelve times today in three hours of practice. That's 3 or 4 times an hour. That means every 15 to 20 minutes you can expect me to say it. Sometimes muttered, sometimes in rhythm with the piece, sometimes shouted, sometimes sung to the tune, sometimes in exasperation, sometimes three times in a row, sometimes howled like a dog.

Seriously, it's reached an unhealthy point. Therefore I am instigating a "Dammit Cap." I'm going to put it at three per day, and hopefully continue to scale back. I'd like to eventually get to a point where I pretty much never say "Dammit," but instead about once a term just release all the frustration in one big "Sheeeeeeeittt."

That last part was mostly a joke. Mostly.

Also, it's 1:11 AM. I should go to sleep, but it's Thursday night, meaning tomorrow is Friday, meaning I have the weekend to rest up. I sort of have homework that I haven't done, but he definitely prefaced the assignment with a "We'll work through all of this in class on Friday, but you might want to take a look at it ahead of time."

What does that even to me? Old Taylor would not even bother to bring it home and think about working on it. New Taylor thinks he should work through some of it so he feels prepared for class. New Taylor is still fighting one to three battles a week with Old Taylor. So far it's a tie, I guess.

Recent Readings:
Proverbs
The Man in the Dark by Paul Austor (pounded through this in 4 days; gotta love riding MAX every day)
The Book of Basketball by Bill Simmons (almoooost done)
The Man Who Never Missed by Steve Perry (haha)

Recent Listenings:
The Devil and God are Raging Inside of Me by Brand New
Beggars by Thrice
Figure 8 by Elliott Smith
Symphony No. 9, Finale by Beethoven
On Letting Go by Circa Survive
( ) by Sigur Ros
...and various percussion works of John Cage.

Subterraneans [care line, care line] (B267)

2011-09-28T23:16:00.000-07:00

I'm three days into my experience at Portland State University. It's been interesting so far. Not too stressful thanks to a relatively light class load and a lack of much real homework right now. Something tells me I will be busy as a bee within a few weeks though. That "something" is my past experience with the first week of school, in which I manage to do all my assignments and get ahead, and then you by week three... What happened? Well, you know, probably.

Some observations so far...

People are a lot older here. Granted there are other people my age. But it is not weird to have middle-aged people in your class, and it's definitely normal to be like 25 and be in the middle of your undergraduate degree here. I would say the vast majority of students here don't graduate in 4 years, or don't graduate at age 22.

Everything is bigger and more diverse and a lot of aspects are less personal. At Puget Sound I recognized lots of people around campus, even if I didn't know them. I don't think it will be the same here, at least not to the same degree. And there are so many big buildings on PSU's campus. Of course, things seem bigger when they are unfamiliar. Once they are explored, they won't be so big.

I don't know what else to observe now. There are things to be said, but I'm tired and have a couple things to check off before I go to sleep. Namely some conducting practice and some lunch-making so I don't go hungry tomorrow. Then sleep, hopefully by midnight.

Tomorrow, the first Thursday. Someday, this will seem so long ago.

Recent Readings:
Proverbs
Out of the Silent Planet by C.S. Lewis (almost done)
The Book of Basketball by Bill Simmons (over 550 pages in out of 700; whew)

Recent Listenings:
Low by David Bowie
How I Got Over by The Roots
Endtroducing... by DJ Shadow
Quartet for the End of Time by Messiaen
Music for 18 Musicians by Steve Reich
Bon Iver, Bon Iver by Bon Iver
There Is Love in You by Four Tet
Greatest Hits by Elton John
Sound of Silver by LCD Soundsystem

And for those of you who still think we're from England... (B266)

2011-09-19T16:32:00.000-07:00

We're not.

Today I came up with the best Grooveshark playlist ever. Seriously give this a shot folks. It's called the Murphy-Bowie-Eno rotation, and it's exactly how it sounds. An LCD Soundsystem song (James Murphy), a David Bowie song, then a Brian Eno song. Repeat over and over again. That's it. That's the only rule. I do have one suggestion though, to improve it; don't just pick songs from one album for each artist. Try to mix things up. You gotta get one song from every LCD record, because that's easy. Also, feel free to pick Eno songs where he is collaborating with others, since he tends to do that a lot.

(Also, I know no one will actually do this, except maybe Joel, so here you go.)

A week from today I'll be starting school at PSU. It has been the longest summer of my life. Literally and figuratively actually. I suppose that's okay. I have a few end of the summer goals to complete:

1. Make my room (at my dad's) a little homier. I've already made a little progress.
2. Clean my car.
3. Finish my summer movie list?
4. Finish one or both of the books I am reading.
5. Buy some new clothes that make me look good. (Duh.)
6. Go for a run or two.
7. Enjoy myself at back to back shows. James Blake on Friday and Bon Iver on Saturday.
8. Practice!

That's about it. That's all I've got, and then school.

Recent Readings:
Out of the Silent Planet by C.S. Lewis
The Book of Basketball by Bill Simmons

Recent Watching:
The Third Man directed by Carol Reed
Goodfellas directed by Martin Scorsese

Recent Listenings:
Murphy-Bowie-Eno rotation
Bon Iver, Bon Iver by Bon Iver
XO by Elliott Smith
Fleet Foxes by Fleet Foxes
Embryonic by The Flaming Lips
Oracular Spectaculr by MGMT
...and random stuff by Sufjan, Grizzly Bear, Veronica Falls, Wavves, etc.

I am yours now, so now I don't ever have to leave (B265)

2011-09-01T13:16:00.000-07:00

I've been house sitting at my grandparents' house for like a week now. That's roughly accurate. I haven't been here the whole time though, cause Britt and I are splitting it. So sometime she spends the night and takes them for their morning walk, etc. and sometimes I do.

It's working out fairly well so far. The dogs are used to waking up at 7 or 7:30, and they sleep in kennels, so you kind of gotta be on top of it. Anyway, I've been getting up at like 7:20 and letting them go outside to go to the bathroom. Then, we all go to sleep in the little twin bed in the guest room for another hour or two before we get up for our walk. After the walk the last two days I've tried to read my book in one of the big comfy recliners my grandparents have. Fail. Two days in a row I have ended up putting the book down, pulling a blanket up, reclining the chair, and falling asleep. Naturally Fuster (one of the dogs) sits on my lap and naps with me.

Today I took it one step further and took a nap on the recliner followed by a nap laying down on the couch. Fuster slept on my legs the whole time. In fact, when I was ready to get up, he refused, so I had to force my way out. Thus sounds like it would be easy, but due to my legs being tightly wrapped in a blanket and underneath Fuster, it was surprisingly difficult.

So basically, my life is hard right now, you know? I'm typing this on their covered patio, listening to water trickle and The xx, thinking I need to go fill my belly.

For the record, I have been practicing a lot, and working on my other blog. That counts for something, eh?

Recent Readings:
The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism by Tim Keller (I swear I will finish this before my next blog)

Recent Watchings:
Mad Men, Season One (just a few episodes in)
Awkward, Season One (I know, it's lame, but surprisingly funny)
Sucker Punch directed by Zack Snyder (do not ever watch this movie; "“Sucker Punch” proves a movie can be loud, action-packed and filled with beautiful young women — and still bore you to tears" says Roeper, and he is right.)

Recent Listenings:
The xx by The xx
Within and Without by Washed Out
Sound of Silver by LCD Soundsystem
This Is Happening by LCD Soundsystem
Actor by St. Vincent
Thursday by The Weeknd
...and random stuff by Sufjan Stevens, Steve Schick, No Age, etc,

Slow down this is slipping through my mind, this conversation has run out of time (B264)

2011-08-23T11:40:00.000-07:00

Today I'm going hiking at Oneonta Falls. Apparently there is some section that involves wading through waist deep water? Or at least that is what the rumor is. Could all be hearsay you know.

Anyway, this leads me to consider the different places I've been in Oregon this year. So here's a little list, hopefully in order. (Outside of the normal places that I would go to in Troutdale, Gresham, and Portland)

1. Seaside and Cannon Beach with my friends from high school.
2. Columbia Gorge Hotel for Tiff and Ian's wedding.
3. Lewis and Clark bluff with Joel (this might have happened a couple times).
4. Horsetail Falls with my mom and Britt.
5. Settlemier House ("A Victorian mansion in Woodburn, OR") for Bethany and Steven's wedding.
6. Larch Mountain with Danny, Kayla, Blake Ehr, Jason, etc.
7. Beacon Rock with my dad and Joel. This is actually in Washington, right across the Bridge of the Gods. But it basically fits my theme, so whatever.
8. Oregon City or Carver or somewhere out in the middle of nowhere for Sam Tran's wedding.
9. Dabney State Park to play frisbee golf with my dad and Britt.

It's kind of crazy to realize how expansive and beautiful Oregon is. I mean I've lived here all my life basically, and I've always known it and witnessed it, but generally not so many times in such a short period of time. Hopefully I'll add a few more things to the list before summer comes to a conclusion.

Recent Readings:
The Gospel of John
The Reason for God: Believe in the Age of Skepticism by Tim Keller (finally making progress again)

Recent Watchings:
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest directed by Milos Forman
Papillon directed by Franklin Schaffner

Recent Listenings:
Doppelganger by The Fall of Troy
All the Suits Began to Fall Off by The Mercury Program
Age of Adz by Sufjan Stevens
5 Orchestral Pieces, Op. 16 by Schoenberg
Endtroducing... by DJ Shadow
How I Got Over by The Roots
Millions Now Living Will Never Die by Tortoise
Thursday mixtape by The Weeknd
This Is Happening by LCD Soundsystem

Girl, I lit you something (B263)

2011-08-20T15:55:00.000-07:00

I'm disappointed, because the blog title I wanted to use violates my policy regarding using certain words in the title. Let's just say if you listen to The Birds, parts one and two by The Weeknd, you will probably figure it out. I don't know why, but I love The Weeknd. However, I'm pretty sure whatever he is singing about is bad. Like, hey is he talking about giving her a roofie? Uh, I'm pretty sure that's wrong. I went with something that is slightly less risque.

"And I'm a keep on smoking till I get enough, enough." Yeah.

I worked the Gresham Farmer's Market today. I'm pretty sure someone should make a mockumentary about a Farmer's Market. That would be hilarious. I'm right between the goat cheese man (that guy is crazy) and the spicy mustard and pretzels guy (that guy is cool). If not a movie, then maybe a mini-series. I have this theory that the mini-series has the potential to be a far greater artistic endeavor than television shows and movies, but I haven't figured it out for sure yet. I'll let you know when I do. (Have I mentioned this theory before on this blog? I dunno).

Another month of summer, which seems like a while. Maybe because I've been out of school for like three months now. Just more time to kill. Oh well.

Now, practice. Then, go have dinner with my dad. Later, bake off at Scrotey's. Should be great.

Are we really happy with who we are right now? (B262)

2011-08-15T14:02:00.001-07:00

Practice, eat, sleep, read, hang out, watch movies, drink coffee, work a little. That's mostly what my days consist of right now. I'm a regular old artiste I suppose. Or just a college kid without a real consistent job. Which is kind of lame sometimes, but often pretty nice. Soon enough I'll be back in school, busy as a bee. That is, assuming bees are actually quite busy, which I'm not really sure of.

I started going to a new church recently (Door of Hope) and I'm enjoying it. I thought about putting a qualifying adjective before "enjoying," such as "sort of" or "really," but I think "enjoying" is accurate. Finding a church to go to is sort of a strange part of Christian faith or Christian culture, and it seems like it's a big struggle for some folks. But for whatever reason, whenever I need to move on from a church, either out of necessity or out of desire, the next place has been the right place, at least for that season of life.

I have about 5 weeks of summer left, and I need some things to do (other then the first sentence I wrote). If you have any ideas, feel free to let me know.

Recent Readings:
Out of the Silent Planet by C.S. Lewis
The Gospel of John

Recent Watchings:
Gladiator directed by Ridley Scott
American Beauty directed by Sam Mendes
Shawshank Redemption directed by Frank Darabont
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon directed by Ang Lee

Recent Listenings:
Are We Really Happy With Who We Are Right Now? by Moneen
James Blake by James Blake
Veckatimest by Grizzly Bear
Phrenology by The Roots
Manipulator by The Fall of Troy
Burial by Burial
March of the Zapotec by Beirut
Agaetis Byrjun by Sigur Ros

A Dedication (B261)

2011-08-02T02:03:00.000-07:00

I made a mistake on my last blog. I claimed that I only made one post in the month of July. Turns out I made two. See, when I wrote/posted that last blog entry, I sort of thought it was August 1st, though it was actually July 31st. Whoopsy. Guess I'll have to start August off strong to make up for it.

I've been reading this book called "The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism" by Timothy Keller. He's a pastor at a church in Manhattan, and he wrote this really interesting book. It's kind of heady stuff at times, and he gets into the philosophical quite a bit, but I'm really enjoying it. He manages to make it really clear why some of the post-modern intellectual qualms with orthodox Christianity aren't nearly as airtight as their proponents believe they are.

I was going to include a quote, but I don't feel like typing a whole paragraph out, and without the whole paragraph it's not as good. Anyway, if you are interested in reading it, let me know and you can borrow it when I'm done.

Speaking of when I'm done, Britt and I have decided to make ourselves read/finish 5 books by the end of summer. My list is...

1. The Reason for God (I'm on Chapter 3)
2. This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald (which I started earlier this summer and never finished)
3. The Book of Basketball by Bill Simmons (so stoked)
4. Out of the Silent Planet by C.S. Lewis (which I own, very conveniently)
5. Catch 22 by Joseph Heller

We came up with our lists at the Fresh Pot on Hawthorne Street. The cool thing about the Fresh Pot is that it is connected to a Powell's book store. So after we both thought of four books for our own list, we each took a turn to wander through the store and select a handful of books for the other person, of which that person then had to select one of to finish their list of five.

Am I sort of a nerd? Yeah, I guess. Do I really care? No, not really.

Recent Watchings:
Winter's Bone directed by Debra Granik
Various episodes of The Twilight Zone

Recent Listenings:
Michigan by Sufjan Stevens
Drum's Not Dead by Liars
Friend and Foe by Menomena
Music for 18 Musicians by Steve Reich (and friends)
In Rainbows by Radiohead
"A Dedication" by Washed Out
"Fast Peter" by Moonface
"Octet" by Steve Reich

Oh to be a machine, to be wanted, to be useful (B260)

2011-07-31T12:03:00.000-07:00

July is the low man on the totem pole. Just one blog for The Classic Loop, which ties a career low for me. Last week I had probably 15 good ideas for a blog (although some of them were for my new blog over on Wordpress) but I didn't use any of them for some reason.

My mind has been all over the place lately. Not necessarily scattered, because I think that implies some sort of mental chaos, or at least clutter. I'm not really cluttered, I've just covered a lot in my head. Summer is the time to do that for a college student who isn't working full time.

This can be good and it can be bad. Good, because thinking and considering is sort of important, at least to me. Bad, because sometimes I over analyze things and I let my desire for answers and knowledge override everything else. Sometimes there aren't answers to things I guess. Or at least not ones that I can know. But I am really bad at accepting that or getting over it or whatever.

Short takes:

Joel got back from Poland and doesn't understand why so many intelligent intellectuals smoke, unless they are all nihilists. We hiked Lewis and Clark Bluff, too.

Bethany and Steven got married and their wedding looked great. There were many men from local bands that existed 3 to 5 years ago.

Band camp was last week and I performed a piece for the kids that I hadn't played in a long time (2 years?). My performance was pretty mediocre, but the kids had no idea, so it was okay.

I was talking about the devil last night with Brittany, and how he doesn't make sense to me. Then I decided that if I think of him like the Joker from Dark Knight, he makes a lot more sense.

Recent Readings:
The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism by Timothy Keller

Recent Watchings:
Babel directed by Alejandro González Iñárritu
Children of Men directed by Alfonso Cuarón
The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou directed by Wes Anderson

Recent Listenings:
Friend and Foe by Menomena
Age of Adz by Sufjan Stevens
Michigan by Sufjan Stevens
Endtroducing by DJ Shadow
Sound of Silver by LCD Soundsystem
Yellow House by Grizzly Bear
...and probably other stuff, but I don't remember

Just reading (B259)

2011-07-11T21:26:00.001-07:00

For the past few years I've had this thought every once a while that "I need to read more." From ages 6 to 15 I read a lot of books. During the summer, during the winter, during the school year, in the car, late at night, on the weekends, on vacation. Quite a bit really. And I've really not done that since I was about a sophomore in high school. Part of it is that life has become much busier, and so there is less time to read for fun and whatnot. However, it has also occurred to me that I might spend as much time reading every day as I always have, but that it takes place in different arenas:

Pitchfork.com: my favorite snobby indie-rock site. I read the news, new music reviews, and several of the features and columns. I have pretty much read all of their "Best of Lists" at some time or another. I really like lists.

Grantland.com: my favorite new website. It's run by the best sports writer alive, Bill Simmons. But it is not just a sports website. That's the best thing about it. It's got a lot on pop culture as well, which I am really enjoying.

ESPN.com: all the sports news I need, plus columns and statistical analysis from writers like John Hollinger, my second favorite sports writer after Bill Simmons.

Oregonlive.com: Got to keep with the local news. Mostly this involves looking at the Blazers page.

NPR.org: sometimes for world news/whatever interesting articles they have, but mostly for the music section. I recommend the "First Listen" feature, which provides information on new albums, and a chance to listen to said album before it is officially released.

NYTimes.com: Best American news source that I'm aware of. When I was in school I could read the physical copy of the Arts section every day, but now I read what I can on the internet.

Regardless, I still think I should get back into reading books more. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of stuff that the internet simply can't provide. Is that really true, or just my sentimental affection for books? Who knows? And really, who cares?

Also, I have a new blog. It is called Angles, and you can find it at: http://anglesmedia.wordpress.com/

I'm writing this to you in reverse (B258)

2011-06-30T10:43:00.000-07:00

Here's a haiku or two I wrote to allergies:

Dear sweet allergies
I hate you infinitely
Do you have any good?

I'd like to kill you
And drive a stake through your heart
You damn'd allergies

I'll be honest, I definitely tried to get the line "mother-effing allergies" in there, but it's too many syllables for the classic 5-7-5 haiku syllable pattern that I'm using. Oh well.

It's still June, but it's almost July apparently. Truth be told, I've been thinking that it's July for like the last three days. Probably because I'm trying to plan all my days out so far in advance. Why is that? Mostly because I still don't have a car, and thus to make sure I am where I need to be, when I need to be there, I must plan. Last night I looked at a Subaru Legacy wagon that was perfect, but they were asking too much for it. What can you do? I don't know. Just keep looking I suppose. It does get really tiring to be a burden to your friend's and family though. Not that anyone is complaining too much about it, but I still feel bad.

So what's the deal for July? Might work this weekend. Might go to my friend Hayes' art show. Definitely going to Seattle for 4th of July. Probably getting my wisdom teeth pulled. Probably working a NASCAR race at PIR for Mita's Italian Ice, my quasi-employer. Band camp at the end of the month. Bethany and Steven's wedding. Not to mention I need to practice, see friends and family, read books, and so on. That's a lot. Summer is so busy, but in a different way from the school year. I guess that's good, because even though I get sick of being constantly busy during school, more than a couple weeks with nothing to do causes me to be fairly bored.

So here's to a busy month. And here's to me starting a new blog, which I might provide a link to sometime soon. If anyone wants to read it that is.

Recent Readings:
The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
Grantland.com (favorite new website)

Recent Watchings:
Various episodes from The Twilight Zone
Grizzly Man directed by Werner Herzog
Fantastic Mr. Fox directed by Wes Anderson

Recent Listenings:
Transference by Spoon
Kid A and OK Computer by Radiohead
Within and Without by Washed Out (go to NPR Music's First Listen if you wanna hear this)
The Earth Is Not a Cold Dead Place by Explosions in the Sky
Bon Iver's whole discography
Oh, Inverted World by The Shins
and random stuff by Modest Mouse, Moneen, Portishead, Bjork, and others.

Look outside, I know that you'll recognize, it's summertime (B257)

2011-06-20T18:01:00.000-07:00

I've decided that trying to find a car sucks. Apparently no one has titles in their name anymore. Okay, that's cool. Not. Also, trying to find a job, not going so well. But I hope I am making progress. Perhaps more faith is required of me.

I've been going through my closet for a couple weeks now. It's going pretty well I suppose. Slow and steady (ish). There are so many old school assignments, pictures I drew, cards I received, etc. Whatevs. I found this assignment from the 4th or 5th grade in Len Otto's class. It was some sort of prompt about what qualities we would like to see in the next president of the United States. I think this was in the context of us learning about the different responsibilities of the President (different "hats" that he wears). Here's an excerpt from my response (slightly modified for better grammatical clarity):

"I think the most important 'hat' is Director of Foreign Policy. The reason I think this is it's not fair that other countries have less money and some people starve. This 'hat' prevents some of that."

Hmmm, an interesting observation by a 4th grade version of myself, I think. And probably a view that I still agree with. Funny how kids are sometimes capable of summing up problems and truths succinctly and without ornamental jargon.

My "Office Chart" Playlist (songs, not albums):

Brown Sugar by D'Angelo
I Luv U by Dizzee Rascal
Doo Wop (That Thing) by Lauryn Hill
Glory Box by Portishead
CMYK by James Blake
It's Summertime by The Flaming Lips
Window Sear by Erykah Badu
Frontier Psychiatrist by The Avalanches
Pagan Poetry by Bjork
Midnight In A Perfect World by DJ Shadow

I was not magnificent (B256)

2011-06-07T01:48:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I have to go back to the dentist, even though I was just there like two weeks ago. Why? Because I have to get a filling. Ugh, damn it all. Twenty years, no cavities or braces, and now this? It is a difficult thing, but I think I'll manage.

That was not my intended opening paragraph, but I'll take it. It shows the raw, emotional component that my blog is so famous for.

Tonight I hiked up Lewis and Clark bluff with Joel, Joseph, and Mariah. Karen was supposed to come to, but she sucks at being on time to stuff and was in Beaverton when we were ready, so she didn't go. Joel always gets lost going up or going down and he always loses something. (I'm not really exaggerating either tonight he lost his water bottle.) So we kind of took this "off-the-beaten-path" route to get there. We purposely went up when it was evening, but not totally dark. It wasn't the perfect night to see a sunset from a hill, but it was the perfect night to just look for a few minutes and embrace stillness. Or maybe perspective. Or maybe it was silence. Or how about a sense of grandness, of majesty, of overwhelming beauty?

The details of my faith and it's application and the interpretation of the Bible... all that stuff is complicated and difficult to sift through for me sometimes. But a God who created the ground I walk on was so evident to me from atop the bluff.

"And I could see for miles, miles, miles."

And that is magnificent.

Each day, spend with it me now (B255)

2011-06-02T21:02:00.000-07:00

Summer is a good time for catching up. Catching up on sleep, catching up with old friends, catching up with reading and having fun. I have already seen many old friends (some of them peers, some of them educators) and family of course. I have watched half a dozen movies. I've listened to a lot of music. And I'm getting back into reading for fun (slow but steady).

All this is nice; it is relaxing and refreshing to be able to do these things. But, ultimately, I need a little more structure to this summer. I am still in search of a job and a car, and I don't know how close I am on either. (I almost bought a car last night, but it didn't work out; what a great story I have, though).

So right now I am in the process of cleaning out the closet in my room at my Mom's house. Let me be clear on this; I have lived here in this house and in this room since I was just a baby. And now, I must sift through nearly 20 years of build up. Needless to say, it will take some time. But I am certain it will be worth it.

Tomorrow holds; coffee and Bible and music with Danny. Saturday will include some time at PSU. On Sunday? Who knows? Not I, not yet.

I am at a crossroads of sorts, but it is not one that is immense or crippling or anything too extravagant. It's just a medium sized crossroads, and I suppose that's all.

Recent Readings:
This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald
The Gospel according to John

Recent Watchings:
NBA Finals
The Green Hornet directed by Michel Gondry
Mean Streets directed by Martin Scorsese
Far From Heaven directed by Todd Haynes
The Godfather directed by Francis Ford Coppola

Recent Listenings:
Yellow House, Friend EP and Veckatimest by Grizzly Bear
For Emma Forever Ago, Blood Bank EP, and Bon Iver, Bon Iver by Bon Iver
The Red Tree by Moneen
The Suburbs by Arcade Fire
The Question and The Weak's End by Emery
James Blake by James Blake
Sound of Silver by LCD Soundsystem
Seven Swans by Sufjan Stevens

But now you know that I am cold, and now I'm found (B254)

2011-05-19T01:03:00.001-07:00

It has been a busy... uh, forever. I was going to say week. But then I remembered that my whole semester was busy. And the semester before that. And last year, and the the year before, blah, blah.

But I might as well say what I've been doing lately. Saturday morning we had commencement band rehearsal at 7:50 AM (yikes) and Saturday night my friend Cassie, all her housemates, and her boyfriend Nico had a grad party at her house. There were tons of people and I met a lot of parents and cousins and whatnot. The moms were very into the dancing that was going on. Sunday I was at graduation for many hours (which was outside and rainy) playing in the commencement band and watching my friends and hundreds of other people graduate. That night I hit up a house show, which involved many sweaty people in one living room and a bluegrass band (again, much dancing). Monday I said goodbye to Jay. I woke up at 7:30 to make that happen, so I think that says something about our friendship. Tuesday there was a barbecue at Paul's Dad's house which included much meat and some NBA playoffs. Today I had lunch with Waymond and his (recently bigger) family, worked in the music library, and went to another barbecue at my friend Matt's house. Matt's whole house is either vegan or vegetarian, so their barbecues are always interesting.

That's my last several days in a nutshell. I feel like all I've been talking about on my blog as of late is that I'm leaving. But it's kind of the thing I'm most pensive about, which is what I tend to write about. Maybe I should work on including more comedy on here. We'll see.

If you have a job for me for the summer, let me know. I guess I need to do that whole job thing to make some money and build some character and all that jazz. I also have a bunch of things to do before I leave Tacoma, and not very much time to do them all. I haven't even started packing yet.

Is anyone really surprised by that though?

Recent Watchings:
Gangs of New York directed by Martin Scorsese
Best in Show directed by Christopher Guest

Recent Listenings:
The Soft Bulletin by The Flaming Lips
Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots by The Flaming Lips
Essential Ellington Disc 2 by Duke Ellington
Franz Ferdinand by Franz Ferdinand
The King of Limbs by Radiohead
Kid A by Radiohead
In Rainbows by Radiohead
Symphony No. 5 by Beethoven
The Moon and Antarctica by Modest Mouse
Industrial Hero by Ben Darwish Trio
...and random stuff by Dance Gavin Dance, Branford Marsalis, Cifford Brown/Max Roach, Bon Iver, LCD Soundsystem, Sufjan Stevens, etc.

Saw death on a sunny snow (B253)

2011-05-09T11:59:00.000-07:00

Done with my Music History final. Which means it's time to relax for a bit at Oppenheimer Cafe (which I've been doing for the last two hours already).

I wrote that first sentence about 6 hours ago, stayed for Oppenheimer for another hour and a half, trying to figure out my classes and housing for next year, and finally left. Then were was some Skyping with Britt. Then there was a half hour (aka hour and a half) nap. Then there was a shower, which felt nice since I seem to struggle to shower more days a week than I don't. This is not by choice, this is due to my busy schedule.

When I was getting out of the shower, I saw that the condensation/humidity/whatever you wanna call it had formed a pattern on the shower curtain that looked strikingly like an outline of North America. I had Central America, the U.S. (Florida and all), Canada, and even Alaska. Not totally sure about Hawaii. Also, pretty much half of California and most of Utah/Arizona/Nevada were wiped out. Oops. But other than that, it was uncanny. Maybe I should have taken a picture and sold it on Ebay.

In case you don't know, I am going to Portland State University next year. I don't know if there's anyone who reads this who wouldn't know that at this point, but I tend to be bad at communicating with people about big things, so I figured I'd let you know. If you are also curious why, I guess I will bring it down in a list:

1. Instead of one other percussion performance major at Puget Sound (who is graduating), there are probably seven or eight at PSU (aka all the players in the studio).
2. Their percussion ensemble is really good, and I care a lot about that (although Puget Sound's isn't too shabby for the record).
3. They have a professor who is used to sending students to grad school for performance, and they way he ensures this is by...
4. ...having a detailed plan of the material players have to get through before they graduate. This means everyone has to have certain skills, play certain rep, etc.

Because I'm a little behind on this, it'll probably take me three more years to graduate college, but I think that's okay.

Hopefully that helps any confused souls who also read my blog. Now, after days of neglect due to music history studying, I must practice.

Everything all the time (B252)

2011-05-02T22:56:00.000-07:00

It's Monday night. Which means tomorrow is Tuesday, and the next day is Wednesday. This means, that in... 43 hours I will be completely done with going to class for the semester. For the school year. In Tacoma, Washington. This is a wild thing really.

Before then I have one and a half assignments to do; my composition project for music theory (half) and my music history paper (whole). My composition project is a half because it is basically done at this point (I just need to print it and figure out the details of it being performed) and because it is the sort of assignment that everyone is spending a minimal amount of time on due to it being "that time of year." My music history paper is a whole thing, but even that is in (fairly) good shape. My rough draft was well received, so I need not fret.

Tonight I had my last real performance at Puget Sound. I say real because I have two more performances, but they are much more informal. No fancy clothes or highly attentive audiences. Tonight was Percussion Ensemble. It went fairly well I suppose. Not everything I could ever hope for, but certainly not bad either.

In case you're wondering, tonight I played on four out of the six pieces the ensemble performed. Over the course of the concert I played: vibraphone, xylophone, glockenspiel, marimba, 8 toms, field drum, 2 china gongs, bongos, wood block, crotales, log drum, splash cymbal, tambourine, and timpani.

That's a lot of things to play. But I really do like it.

Sometimes I can't believe it, I'm moving past the feeling (B251)

2011-04-15T00:49:00.000-07:00

I had this solid blogging idea when I walked in my front door today. But then two of my friends from Tacoma told me that they read my most recent blog. That was totally unexpected. It definitely put a damper on my blog idea, because it involved talking about Tacoma and the people I know in Tacoma, and the experience I've had here. And the thing I was going to say wasn't something I would necessarily want my friends from here to know. But hell, I got this far, might as well say what I was going to say.

The thing I'm going to miss most about Tacoma is Oppenheimer Cafe.

That's right, the university run coffee shop. Its beautiful glass structure, its wobbly tables, its mediocre coffee (they make it really fast though), its orangesicle bread, its daily supply of the New York Times. It's funny because the summer before I came to college, I imagined my life at college. Much of it was inaccurate, but one detail of prescience was that I would spend a lot of time in Oppenheimer Cafe. It's interesting though because I imagined myself at these built in counters around the perimeter of the cafe. By myself. Reading, contemplating, writing, blogging maybe.

In reality, I sit at the middle tables. Mostly with friends. Often in conversation.

And that's why I realize I am wrong; I will not miss Oppenheimer the most out of anything in Tacoma. Maybe I will miss it as a symbol of my friendships, conversations, thoughts, etc. But it is just a big hunk of glass that can put a bitter, caffeinated drink into a cup in interesting ways for me.

I didn't make a best friend in Tacoma, because I already have one that is too good to be beaten. I didn't ever fall in love with anyone here, because I was already in love with someone who wasn't here. But I did make good friends. Ones who I will never forget. Ones who I shared a lot of laughs with and a lot of frustration with. They pissed me off, I pissed them off even more, and at the end of the day I know I care about them, regardless of how they feel about me.

So thanks for the ride Tacoma. I'll be here for another month. Then it's off to a new chapter of my life. What a strange thing life is.

Come on! Feel the Illinoise! (B250)

2011-04-08T01:44:00.000-07:00

I've been listening to Sufjan almost exclusively in the last few weeks. I've done all sorts of combinations; just Michigan, just Age of Adz, certain songs from each of his albums, certain songs from Illinois, certain songs from a bunch of his albums plus all of Seven Swans, etc. Pretty much all the combos you can think of.

Sometime in next 2 to 10 years I will post an updated list of my favorite albums from the first decade of the 2000s. On the initial list, Sufjan barely cracked the top 50. I'm not sure how. I guess just time. Three of his albums would easily make my list now. One of them would be top ten. Maybe top five.

The thing about Sufjan is that he is just way too emotionally stirring for me to not love him. People complain about his grandeur approach to songwriting and album construction, but I think that's he written so many simple songs with simple melodies that are so immensely moving that he has earned the right to go big when he feels like it. So what if I have seven songs that are all at least 8 minutes by Sufjan?

I was checking my playcounts and I see that Impossible Soul, the last track from Age of Adz, has eleven plays. I'm sure I have listened to it all the way through in the car somewhere more than 5 times and less than 15. I'll say 10 ish. Plus, I saw Sujan perform it live once. So I have Impossible Soul roughly 22 times. It is 25 minutes and 35 seconds long. That means I've spent about 563 minutes listening to Impossible Soul. That's over nine hours.

Nine hours of one song is a long time. Just saying.

I cried myself, to sleep last night.
For the Earth, and materials, they may sound just right...
To me.

Cherokee (B249)

2011-03-18T18:24:00.000-07:00

I am in the market for a new backpack. It has been since the summer of 2005 since I bought a new one. Black, Jansport, nice and big. You know the one probably. After all of high school and almost two years of college, its time is up. So I figured I might as well buy the same one. But then the desire for some change or some originality struck me, so I started scoping out what the internet has to offer. Despite the slightly large price-tag, I may have found a winner.

I emailed the company to ask how long it will last and how it will do in rain and anything else they can think of that will convince me to buy their backpack. No joke. So we'll see what they say. It is after all, a pretty cool backpack, and one that I may have for a long time. Maybe I'll get the version without the quote on it. Not sure if I'll want that or not.

A backpack is just a backpack. But. It does stick with you for many years (I hope). That is all.

Recent Readings:
Neuromancer by William Gibson (just a bit)
Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller (random chapters when I have time)

Recent Watchings (many):
Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2 directed by Quentin Tarantino
Waiting for Superman directed by Davis Guggenheim
Insomnia directed by Christopher Nolan
Fargo directed by Joel and Ethan Coen
Taxi Driver directed by Martin Scorsese
The Virgin Suicides directed by Sofia Coppola
Yojimbo directed by Akira Kurosawa (still need to finish this)

Recent Listenings:
Realis by A Hope For Home
Panopticon by Isis
Menos El Oso by Minus the Bear
Michigan by Sufjan Stevens
They're Only Chasing Safety by Underoath
Is This It by The Strokes
...and random stuff by Ben Folds, City in the Sea, Circa Survive, The Roots, Charlie Parker, Wynton Marsalis, etc.

(B248)

2011-03-09T21:22:00.001-08:00

I don't have time to write a blog, but my brain hurts, so I need to take a break. I have nothing to say other then this; college is hard, and leaving all the readings till the week of the test is rough. But sort of worth it once it's all over. Someday this will stop working for me. Maybe.

My housemate Jay got it right about midterms:

"Midterms are much worse than finals, because it's the same amount of work, but you have to go to class all week. And there is no reading period. And all the profs put tests on the same day."

Such is life.

Tju (B247)

2011-03-08T00:35:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I have a hard time knowing how to interact with the world around me. What to think about this person, how to evaluate what is right or wrong, what kind of art is good. Everyone has to come to terms with this, and it's filtered through the layers that a person assimilates, or establishes, or synthesizes over the years.

One thing I think about often is that one of my layers is Christianity. I believe in Christ dying for my sins and me having a relationship with him, so that affects how I see things, how I interact with the world, how my layers have formed over the last 20 years. And one thing that I interact with daily is art; music, literature, film.

It's interesting to me that there is a sizable contingent of Christianity that refuses to engage in art that isn't ostensibly Christian in its lyrics, themes, messages, philosophy, etc. They believe that allowing songs with swearing, or movies with sexuality to enter our brains can corrupt us, or lead us to sin. Perhaps I'm missing what they really think; I acknowledge my own ability to misunderstand or misinterpret.

Regardless, I have found a rebuttal that I find suitable; God created a perfect universe with perfect men (in His image) that man made imperfect. Despite the imperfection of His creation, God is still loving towards it. He still sees value in it. He still seeks to engage in His creation.

So why can't we love the imperfect creations of man? Why can't we see value in them? Why can't we engage with them? After all, in creating buildings, technology, children, and yes, art, man is fulfilling his God given need for creation.

We are sub-creators, inspired by the Great Creator. I'm not saying that necessarily makes all creations inherently worth engaging or valuable. But I am saying that if God still finds a broken but beautiful creation worth engaging, then I am willing to do so as well.

After all, if this doesn't point to Heaven, then I don't know what it could possibly point to.

Something inside, something right where we've been (B246)

2011-02-27T12:34:00.001-08:00

Weekends are such a strange thing if you really think about it. Actually, all constructs of organized time are odd in a way. Years and days, I get those. They have some sort of astronomical (is that the right word?) basis for them. But months and weeks? I'm not sure. The week; we divide it into seven days, and we have to work or go to school for five of those, then we get to hang out for two days, then we do it all again. It's a strange thing really.

I decided to do a little research on this just now. And by "research," I mean I checked Wikipedia. Here's what they say:

"The present-day concept of the weekend first arose from the Dies Solis (Day of the Sun) decreed by Constantine, and the Biblical Sabbath. The weekend in Western countries comprises Saturday and Sunday, when most employees do not have to work. Whereas the Sabbath itself was just one day each week, the preceding day also came to be taken as a holiday, because it was considered necessary to do preparatory tasks at home that would permit proper Sabbath observance the next day. (Luke 23;54)"

I guess that makes sense.

Really this all just a way to get me ready to accomplish all the homework I have put off until today. So here it goes. I'm finishing my paper on Musorgsky, I'm doing written theory homework, I'm practicing sightsinging, I'm doing MacGamut (computer ear-training bleh).

And hopefully, I'm watching the game. One can always hope for such a thing.

Recent watchings:
Do the Right Thing directed by Spike Lee
Mo' Better Blues directed by Spike Lee
Resident Evil: Apocalypse directed by Alexander Witt

Recent listenings:
The King of Limbs by Radiohead
OK Computer by Radiohead
Amnesiac by Radiohead
How I Got Over by The Roots
Blue Train by John Coltrane
The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me by Brand New
All The Suits Began to Fall Off by The Mercury Program
Is This It? by The Strokes

There Are Thousands Sleeping in Peace (B245)

2011-02-20T01:19:00.001-08:00

I just played a fat game of Risk. Six player game, lasted about 4 hours. I won. Wait... no I didn't. But I did get fourth. That's pretty good right? Right.

I think about the future a lot. Where will I go, what will I do, whom will I do it with? You know. You've been there too I presume. But it seems to have taken up more thought and contemplation than a lot of other things that might be more important. I think maybe I should do some more living in the moment than I have been.

I think maybe (I'm not really sure) that people look down on the term "living in the moment." Maybe not all people, but some people, you know? It has this hedonistic connotation to it or something. Like living in the moment means doing things with no regard to future consequences. Like it's okay to make this decision that feels sweet right now because I'm living in the moment.

That's not really what I mean. What I mean is, I think I (and perhaps you as well) should consider that the present is the present, and I am in it for a reason. There are challenges to be met right now, and there are positives to experience right now. And there's contentment to experience right now.

Moral of the story: don't act in a way that shows no regard to the future, but don't forget that the future will always be the future, while the present is here for us to seize.

I could be an inspirational speaker. Maybe.

(Just in case you're wondering what I'm working on all those hours I spend in the music building)

Wanna find myself by the sea, in another's company (B244)

2011-02-03T22:49:00.001-08:00

I probably don't have time to blog. Who has the time? But I will anyway. It should break up my paper writing session nicely.

I long ago concluded I am a bad student with a good student's mind. Or maybe it's the inverse? I'm not sure. I am capable of producing good work, but I procrastinate and don't always work hard on things. The problem is that academia has always rewarded me anyway. I've actually been less of a procrastinator and a harder worker in college, but I have a lower GPA than in high school. I guess that's to be expected and all because college is harder, but I don't know.

Maybe it's because I spend a lot of time practicing. That's probably it. Tonight Chris asked how good I was. I said I didn't know, but that I hope to get into a top 20 grad school for music. He said that must mean I'm pretty good. I said I still don't know. And I don't, but I hope I'm good enough by then.

If not, I'll just get a degree in film studies and write movie reviews instead. That'd be the life.

"Instead of accepting Rimsky-Korsakov’s assessment of the opera Marriage as a harmonically grotesque exploration composed solely for the sake of progress and against the better judgment of Musorgsky’s ear, Taruskin insists..."

Blah, blah, blah. Did I sign up for this? Yep. Is it interesting? Sometimes. I guess I should finish this paper so I can practice more.

Recent Listenings:
Diary by Sunny Day Real Estate
XX by The XX
Give Up by The Postal Service
The Blue Notebooks by Max Richter
Burial by Burial
Sung Tongs by Animal Collective
Symphony No. 9, Mvt. IV by Dvorak
Ambient Music 1/Music for Airports by Brian Eno
The Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place by Explosions in the Sky
...and random stuff by Sufjan Stevens, LCD Soundsystem, Kings of Leon, and Four Tet.

If I could see all my friends tonight [part II] (B243)

2011-01-31T02:08:00.000-08:00

1. My facial hair is shorter than it has been in many months. It's the closest it has been to shaven since I don't know when.

2. Milton Babbit (composer) died. Bright Eyes is putting out a new album. NPR is good for music updates.

3. I like rap. Sometimes.

4. I just did busywork for music theory. Yeah, I know Dr. Hutchinson, you made a point to address me specifically, claiming it's not busywork. It is. I will continue to make faces in your class, and you will probably continue to respond to them without being a jerk about it. I can respect that. I can't respect busywork.

5. Sometimes decisions are hard to make. Sometimes secrets are hard to keep. Sometimes I'm not sure how transparent to be with people.

6. I'm listening to LCD Soundsystem. Again. What did I do before I knew James Murphy?

7. It's 2:12 AM, and I have an 8 AM class. I should go to bed. But I'm just not that tired. I should try to sleep I guess.

If I could see all my friends tonight (B242)

2011-01-28T11:59:00.000-08:00

It's Friday, 11:59 am. That means I've been up for about three hours. I had class at 9:25 am this morning. You do the math; yeah I got up at 9 am. And walked to school. And was on time for class. I didn't get quizzed on piano (which I practiced), but I did get quizzed on sightsinging (which I didn't practice). I kind of botched it. Oh well, I'll probably be fine.

This moment is sort of the calm before the storm. Maybe that's an exaggeration. But I do have a lot to do. I need to read a book and write a review on it by Friday. I need to start working on a paper idea for Film Culture. I need to clean up my office in the music library. It's far too messy to be a Long's work area.

And, naturally, I need to practice. Pretty much always. I think practicing is one of the biggest reasons people decide not to pursue music; they don't want to spend 4 or 5 hours a day in a room by them-self trying to improve enough at their instrument to make a marginal living. I used to not like it that much. I still don't want to do it sometimes, but now I love it, or at least I love it when it's over. I've told my dad this a few times, but practicing is a lot like working out; you might not totally enjoy it while you are actually doing it, but when you get finished you feel great. Not every time, but often.

I was going to post a link to the marimba piece I'm working on, but the internet is failing me. Oh well. You'll have to wait for now.

Recent Watchings:
Rebel Without A Cause directed by Nicholas Ray
Saturday Night Fever directed by John Badham

Recent Listenings:
James Blake by James Blake
My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy by Kanye West
The Kind Is Dead by The Decemberists
The Moon and Antarctica by Modest Mouse
Endtroducing... by DJ Shadow
There Is Love In You by Four Tet
They're Only Chasing Safety by Underoath
Generally Spoken, It's Nothing But Rhythm by Nebojsa Jovan Zivkovic
Agaetis Byrjun by Sigur Ros
...and "All My Friends" by LCD Soundsystem, "When I'm With You" and "Boyfriend" by Best Coast, and other stuff I can't remember right now...

James Blake - Limit To Your Love from James Blake on Vimeo.

Hey unloving, I will love you (B241)

2011-01-25T18:25:00.001-08:00

I've got a great blog planned for all you. It's not this one though, but it's coming soon. I'm not totally sure when, because I need to take some pictures and fill out some paperwork, but it's going to be a good one. And it will be unexpected. If you expect it, you cheated. I promise.

The Oscar nominations came out today. I took a look. I saw some of the movies, but not all of them. I'm willing to bet some of them are pretty solid movies that I will eventually get around to watching.

At some point over the last few years I became a pretty big film fan. I'm not really sure how or why, but I did. I'm not saying I'm any sort of expert, but it's just something I've grown to enjoy. This is probably the reason I'm taking Comm 291 right now. Comm 291 is a film class. Basically, we watch movies every Tuesday night (tonight is Saturday Night Fever) and then we talk about the films and the context and film genre and whatever else in class. It's a pretty good scene so far. The professor is one of those people that can get away with talking really quietly because everyone just wants to listen closely to her words.

Even if the class ends up sucking or I end up failing, I still get to watch a movie once a week, so it's a pretty solid deal.

Practice for the last week:
Monday (January 17th): 4 hours
Tuesday: 3.5 hours
Wednesday: 4 hours
Thursday: 3 hours
Friday: none (ouch)
Saturday: 2 hours
Sunday: 3 hours
Monday: 3.5 hours
Today: 2 and counting.

Time to get back to work.

Colorado, Colorado, Colorado [part II] (B240)

2011-01-05T20:32:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow, I embark on a trip to Tacoma, Washington, where I have been many times before. In fact, in case you missed it, I've spent about most of the last 16 months there. However, I will only be there for about 24 hours before embarking on another trip. This one will be much longer, and it will take me to new places that I haven't spent any time in.

It's a little disappointing that I can't stay in Portland for another week or so, but I guess going to Colorado with a bunch of college kids isn't a bad way to close out a break. I think I'm supposed to be doing this sort of thing anyway, right? I hope.

So this is goodbye to Oregon for a little bit longer. Goodbye to my family here. Goodbye to my friends here. Goodbye to my dogs, and to my last remaining cat, who has grown quite fond of me in her old age. Goodbye to Cafe Delirium, Fire on the Mountain, Music Millenium on Burnside, Wallstreet Pizza, Gresham Station Border's, and the list could go on.

Life has some bad thing, life has some good things, and life just has some things. I'll let that be ambiguous and such.

Recent Watchings:
Shaun of the Dead directed by Edgar Wright
The Social Network directed by David Fincher
My Best Friend's Wedding directed by P.J. Hogan
Pulp Fiction directed by Quentin Tarantino

Recent Listenings:
Airbag / How Am I Driving EP by Radiohead
Infinite Arms by Band of Horses
Ambient 1: Music for Airports by Brian Eno
Age of Adz by Sufjan Stevens
Mines by Menomena
CMYK by James Blake
There Is Love in You by Four Tet
Contra by Vampire Weekend

Mejor Música de 2010 (B239)

2011-01-03T02:30:00.000-08:00

Now that January has arrived, it's time for a little 2010 recap. Of course, for a guy who loves music and lists, it must mean it's a chance for me to combine these two things and pretend like more than 4 to 6 people read my thoughts and consider them. All the music magazines, websites, and blogs posted their "Best of 2010," so here's mine. It's not quite as extensive as most actual publications, mostly because I simply don't have the time or the drive to listen to 150 albums that came out this year and actually say anything relevant about them all. So below is a list of 10 albums and 30 songs. Enjoy, or don't, whichever you'd like.

Albums:

10) Learning by Perfume Genius

It's a lonely album, with poor production quality, and barely in tune vocals at times. But the talent for songwriting is evident, and there are enough haunting and vulnerable emotional moments that I can't help but love this album.

9) Transference by Spoon

Spoon continues to put out solid music; nothing more, nothing less. There is little that can be described as wildly fresh on Transference, just catchy hooks, good vocals, and easy to remember choruses. There's enough strange vocal effects and structural turns to make this album distinct, but mostly it's just too consistently listenable for me to not include it on this list.

8) Contra by Vampire Weekend

7) The Suburbs by Arcade Fire

I'm lumping together Contra and The Suburbs because they represent two bands whose output has been relatively small (this is Arcade Fire's third album and Vampire Weekend's second album) but who hold steady spots in the fleeting indie spotlight. Arcade Fire's release is sprawling, with characteristic pop sensibility and layers of sound (it better be, considering how many members they have). It's not quite as bombastic as Neon Bible, or as memorable as Funeral, but it's a worthy addition to the Arcade Fire catalogue. Vampire Weekend put out possibly the most fun album of the year; it's still a strange mixture of Afro-pop, Ivy League rhymes, and 80s synthesizers, but it's pretty damn catchy.

6) I'm New Here by Gil Scott-Heron

5) The ArchAndroid by Janelle Monae

4) How I Got Over by The Roots

Albums 4,5, and 6 are all African American artists in vastly different stages of their careers. Gil Scott-Heron (age 61) recorded his first album since 1994, and it's a strange but potent work. The tracks are short and infuse elements of trip-hop, blues, and spoken word. Yeah, it sounds like a horrible combination, but Gil's voice is trippy, his words are interesting, and the backing music is stripped down but fitting for the atmosphere he's striving for. Monae (age 25) released her first LP, a Sci-Fi, funk-infused, R&B flavored, poppy concept album; it's seriously all over the place (the plot follows an android named Cindi Mayweather who comes back from the future to blah, blah, blah). I hope she finds a way to make her next album less abrupt and more cohesive; it is at times the most exciting pop music imaginable, and at times grating and irritating (check out "Tightrope" for the former, "Make the Bus" for the latter). The Roots put out their ninth full length album in their 23rd year as a group, and it's one of the most underrated albums of the year; it's well-produced, full of memorable hooks, feautures the top-notch tight rhythm section that one expects from The Roots, and has a number of excellent guest features (including the girls from Dirty Projectors, Monsters of Folk, Joanna Newsom, and John Legend.)

3) This Is Happening by LCD Soundsystem

2) My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy by Kanye West

1) Age of Adz by Sufjan Stevens

The trio at the top are packed with huge ideas, lengthy songs, and expansive visions from a sole individual. James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem writes some of the funkiest I-want-to-dance-right-now music out there. The production is distinctly Murphy, with layers of looped synth sounds, vintage sounding drums, gurgling guitars, and a most versatile vocal performance from Murphy. Plus, Murphy is a hilarious lyricist (check out the first two tracks "Dance Yrself Clean" and "Drunk Girls"), not to mention ultra-hip for a man who's about to hit 41.

I don't even know where to begin with Kanye. He is wildly arrogant yet boldy self-conscious. His music is MTV-friendly (most of the songs could be radio hits) but he includes huge tracks (see "Runaway," clocking in around 9 minutes with a ridiculously simplistic and lengthy piano intro that I'm convinced Kanye performed himself). It is a testament to Kanye that he has no discernible musical abilities, yet he puts together fantastic songs. His ability to envision the vast scope of his albums and then put the whole thing together is astounding. The guest appearances are lengthy (and hit and miss) but this album is so Kanye, so greatest-hits esque, that I can't help but be floored by it every time I pop it in.

In 2010 Sufjan put out a surprise release (All Delighted People EP) and quickly followed it up with his first real album since Illinois. It's been five years, and the man has had a few ideas since then. It's electronic backdrop covers up the fact that it's Sufjan's most intimate record; this one is actually about Sufjan's internal battles, moreso than any of his earlier albums. It's filled with bleeps and blips reminiscent of Postal Service, synths that pay home to Radiohead's electronic transformation a decade ago, and swirls of trombones and flutes that reveal some orchestral musings on Sufjan's part. A friend of mine mentioned that he couldn't get into this album because he was distracted by it sounding like a science fiction movie soundtrack. I think that's exactly what Sufjan was going for, and I think it's brilliantly conceived, though not immediately accessible for those hoping for more banjo, trumpets, and acoustic guitar from Sufjan. Despite an appetite for excess, Sufjan wrote the most connected, stirring, and layered album of the year.

Songs:

30) Desire Lines by Deerhunter
29) ...And the World Laughs With you by Flying Lotus
28) Lewis Takes Off His Shirt by Owen Pallett
27) Walk in the Park by Beach House
26) F*** You by Cee-Lo
25) Futile Devices by Sufjan Stevens
24) Window Seat by Erykah Badu
23) CMYK by James Blake
22) Dreamland EP: Marimba and Shit-Drums by Moonface
21) Angel Echoes by Four Tet
20) Gay Angels by Perfume Genius
19) BaBopBye by Janelle Monae
18) New York Is Killing Me by Gil Scott-Heron
17) I Can Change by LCD Soundsystem
16) Intil by Menomena and Queen Black Acid by Menomena (Tie)
15) When I'm With You by Best Coast
14) Written In Reverse by Spoon
13) Away Frm U by Oberhofer
12) Dear God 2.0 by The Roots
11) Fever Dreaming by No Age
10) Dancing On My Own by Robyn
9) All of the Lights by Kanye West
8) Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains) by Arcade Fire
7) Cousins by Vampire Weekend
6) Tightrope by Janelle Monae
5) Age of Adz by Sufjan Stevens
4) Half-Light I by Arcade Fire
3) Runaway by Kanye West
2) Dance Yrself Clean by LCD Soundsystem
1) Want to be Well by Sufjan Stevens

Would you always, maybe sometimes, make it easy (B238)

2010-12-26T12:25:00.000-08:00

Take your time.

In the wake of Christmas season and spirit and activities and such (and, and, and I know) I have had about a hundred blurbs of thought that would come across quite well on the interweb. The interweb includes my blog, my FaceBook, and my Twitter. Just kidding about Twitter. I'm not narcissistic enough to tweet. Burn. Let it sting a bit...

The older I get the more interesting family gatherings are. They are both an exercise in relationship and division, comfort and awkwardness, relaxation and chaos, affection and complaint. Opinions. Yes, my family has opinions. I think people think I am opinionated and that I have a strong personality or something. Those things are probably true. But why don't you come to Eugene with me sometime and see the whole family. I am but a churchmouse here, for the most part.

Observing family members and engaging in conversation with them really is a strange thing. A couple times over the last 48 hours I was obliged to consider some of my relations similar to the type of folk Errol Morris loves to put in his documentaries; the type of documentaries that don't need captions or narration because the interviewees are such characters, filled with so many words and so much... character? That is neither a compliment nor a derision towards them, simply an observation.

I have other things to say I suppose, but for the moment I think I'll refrain and end this Post-Christmas blog. Back to reading or eating or relaxing or something else vacationy (or, or, or I know).

Recent Readings:
Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke (I will finish this)

Recent Listenings:
This Is Happening by LCD Soundsystem
Age of Adz by Sufjan Stevens
My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy by Kanye West
The Question by Emery
It's Hard To Find a Friend by Pedro the Lion
The ArchAndroid by Janelle Monae
Halycon Digest by Deerhunter
Never Take Friendship Personal by Anberlin
...and random stuff by Grizzly Bear, Peter Bjorn and John, Big Boi, The Roots, James Blake, etc.

Don't put me on (Return...) (B237)

2010-12-05T01:47:00.000-08:00

I had one of those long conversations today. The ones where it has no form, no start or end or middle, but it just kind of winds along the path of life and common interests, and sometimes not common interests. There was this big chunk about artistry and genius and brilliance.

How does one become a genius, or maybe more specifically, an artistic genius? Why did Bach decide to just take it to another a level? Or did he even have a choice? Maybe it was just all natural to him. My friend Lukas plays piano and loves Bach and told me no one had written keyboard music that used the thumb before Bach. So why did Bach decide to go against everything anyone had done before and slam the thumbs in there? I don't if that has quite the impact on you that it had on me, but it just blows my mind.

I know I'll never be an artistic genius. Maybe that's negative, but I don't think I want to be. Charlie Parker was the genius of his generation of jazz and he died at 36, all strung out and appearing decades older than his actual age. I'm not saying all artists are this way, but few of them seem to lead normal lives. And they all seemed to just have it. I mean sure, they worked really hard to get to where they got, but they also just had something normal people don't. I guess they just had some God given otherness of genius within them, that they let rise up to the surface.

So who gets to possess the genius creature within them and why? Or do we all have it deep within and just choose not to let it out? Or not discover the avenue which it wants to travel through to reach the surface? Is this all too deep and metaphorical for a blog? Don't know.

My mind never ceases to be blown by things. Perhaps someday.

So let's give it up for the New Year (B236)

2010-12-04T02:21:00.001-08:00

Ah, Decembre. Month of champions. I suppose. By the way, I purposely spelled it "Decembre." Gives it a bit of a Spanish tinge. I like that. I wish I was foreign and had the right to actually foreignize words. I don't know if I really wish that, but it was a nice thought for at least a minute.

I'm listening to the record Menomena put out this year. Not totally sure how much I'm feeling it currently. There are definitely some tasty tracks, but some of it isn't really my sort of thing to bump to. Oh well.

Decembre means everyone is getting all fussed about their Best of Lists for 2010. Maybe "everyone" is a bit too inclusive. People who do that sort of stuff are getting fussed about it. It's a strange thing, if you really think about it. The year is in some ways just an arbitrary measure of time. I mean I know that there is like scientific reasoning behind the duration of a year and whatnot, but I think the year's role in society/culture is really strange.

Why do people form new goals for the new year? Why do people feel like it is a fresh start or something? They don't do that at the end of months. I guess people do it at the end of decades too, but only because it's also the start of a new year. I just think it's a strange little ritual.

I guess that's connected to the whole Best of the Year thing, which I admit I'm into. Why do we compare all the albums from this year? Or all the movies? Like we set up an award show to compare movies that all happened to be made within a 12 month period. I don't really have anything profound to say or make a suggestion to improve the system. I'm not even saying it needs improvement actually. I like it, but it's weird.

Humans are weird.

Recent Readings:
Desiring God by John Piper

Recent Watchings:
Iron Man and Iron Man 2 directed by Jon Favreau
Blood Diamond directed by Edward Zwick
Planes Trains and Automobiles directed by John Hughes

Recent Listenings:
Realis by A Hope for Home
Symphony No. 5 by Beethoven
My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy by Kanye West
Illinois by Sufjan Stevens
The Alchemy Index Vol. III/IV by Thrice
Mines by Menomena

You’re living in a fantasy… (B235)

2010-11-24T02:04:00.000-08:00

I’m not connected to the Internet, so I’m relegated to writing this on a Word document and then uploading later. It’s 10:13 PM on Tuesday, November 23, 2010. I’m riding a train, by myself, in the crazy weather that is the Pacific Northwest this week, hoping to have been home already. I think I’m 45 minutes away now. I guess that’s not the end of the world. I guess nothing short of the end of the world is the end of the world really.

Trains are one of the better ways to get around. It is definitely a flawed mode of transportation, but still a good one. You have a lot of space on a train, enough that you have the ability to get up and walk a bit to stretch your legs. There are bathrooms for every car. There’s a food car with crappy food, but if you get the sausage, egg, and Swiss on a bagel, it’s not too crappy, and it fills up your belly for a little bit. A train ticket doesn’t cost a ton of money, although I guess it depends on where you are going. $39 to go from Tacoma to Portland isn’t too bad, considering it would probably cost me $20 in gas to drive myself.

Also, you get a nice view, in theory. At night the view is diminished a bit. There are dim lights on in the cars, causing a glare on all these big windows surrounding me. But, I did take a nice nap, and I do have headphones, so that even on this train (currently between Longview and Vancouver, Washington) Thom Yorke can sing in my ear a little bit. Or a lot if he really wants to.

Hmm… the train is making funny noises outside. Oh well. I’m quite excited to be home and sleep in my bed, and do very few productive things, and spend time with people I care about. This break is much appreciated.

The train can’t get me there fast enough.

Recent Watchings:

The Fall directed by Tarsem Singh

District B13 directed by Pierre Morel

Mean Girls directed by Mark Waters

Recent Listenings:

Kid A by Radiohead

All the Suits Began to Fall Off by The Mercury Program

The Alchemy Index Vol. I/II by Thrice

Broken Boy Soldiers by The Raconteurs

The Beautiful Letdown by Switchfoot

It’s Hard To Find A Friend by Pedro The Lion

Vheissu by Thrice

Greatest Hits by Elton John

etc.

'Cause I'm, comin' home (B234)

2010-11-20T01:19:00.001-08:00

Have you ever had the experience of wanting to make a song extend far past its 3 or 4 minute life span? Like stretching it into a fifteen or twenty minute song? I think about this sometimes. It's not that I necessarily want to hear the same verse-chorus-verse-chorus-bridge-chorus form repeated ten times, it's that I want the aesthetic quality of the song to continue. I want the mood to remain the same, and sometimes I can only achieve the it with a certain piece of music, in a certain light, at a certain time. Unfortunately, often those pieces are so short that I can't sustain it. I guess that's why I'm an album man as well. I guess.

My eyes are tired, so I'll sleep soon.

"My surface is so tough, I don't think the blade will go in..."

I had a goal to practice four hours every day for a week straight. I'm still going actually. I'm five days into it. I've done alright. I did four the first two days, three and a half the next two days, but today I did a measly one. Oh well. There's always tomorrow to improve. And the day after that. And... well, you know.

"Go on and save your scissors."

The brain is such a strange center of analyzation and overanalyzation. Did I do the right thing? Did I say the wrong thing? Did I make the right decision? Am I imagining all this? It makes me wonder, what's really going up there. You know? Like how is my brain getting all confused and mixed up and stepping on its self when it doesn't need to? Oh well.

I'm such a disjointed young man.

Motion Picture Soundtrack (B233)

2010-11-14T14:51:00.000-08:00

It's a Sunday afternoon in the fall. I mean, you know in your head at least right? But I can just feel it. I suppose it could be a Saturday afternoon in the fall too, but in reality, it's a Sunday. Does anyone else feel that way? That it must just be this day, this time, this season, because you can simply tell? The light from the windows, the temperature, the sounds in the house, the worries on (or not on) my mind. They all have something to say.

What do I have this week? That's a question I always have to ask myself on a Sunday night, right before the onset of the busyness that is the week. This week shouldn't be too bad. I have some music theory homework to catch up on. I need to practice a lot, because I haven't much this weekend. I need to take care of some non-school stuff; getting my car fixed, bringing snacks to small group, getting groceries, ordering more contacts so I can see, etc.

I also have a phone calls to make/emails to send. I'm not sure exactly what they'll say or how they'll go, but they might change things for me. They might lead to major life decisions. That sounds all dramatic, maybe unnecessarily, but maybe necessarily. I don't really know, that's the thing.

The future is a big scary unknown to some people. I guess some days it is to me. I am human after all. But I don't worry, most of the time. I feel safe. I have faith, even though I don't know how anything will turn out.

All I know is it's a Sunday afternoon.

I just want four walls and adobe slats for my girls (B232)

2010-11-11T20:10:00.000-08:00

And... he... will... emerge... back into the land of blogging. I know. I know. I've been saying this once a month since about August; "I'm back and at it." But I really am this time. Maybe.

Today I was walking home from campus and I had a million ideas for blogs. I knew right then that I would forget them all before I sat down to write. Actually, that's lie, I thought I would remember one or two ideas. Which was really quite naive of me. I should have known I would forget. Oh well.

Tomorrow holds: piano lab (with a possible quiz?), music history, Opp o'clock, Stats, do stuff for Gerard, singing test, Wind Ensemble, watch P-town v. OKC, and hang out with my lady friend (and probably a variety of other folks too). Sounds like a plan for a Friday, doesn't it?

Tonight, I think I need to head back to the studio. Do a little practicing, suck a little less. You know. The usual. I feel like I should include something like a photo or a quote or a new font right here. Just 'cause that's what all the cool kids are doing on their blogs. Hmmm...

"Do I want to be feared or loved? That's a good question. I want both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."

Thanks Michael Scott.

Recent Watchings:
The Office (Season 2)
Inception directed by Christopher Nolan
V for Vendetta directed by James Mcteigue

Recent Listenings:
Merriweather Post Pavillion by Animal Collective
This Is Happening by LCD Soundsystem
World Waits by Jeremy Enigk
The Missing Link by Jeremy Enigk
Messiah by Handel
The Weak's End by Emery
The Question by Emery
Untrue by Burial
The Alchemy Index by Thrice
Kind of Blue by Miles Davis
Doolittle by Pixies
Nevermind by Nirvana

Gonna touch the sky (B231)

2010-10-08T12:43:00.000-07:00

I've got time to kill so... must be time for a blog.

I've been thinking about grad school lately. I do this a lot, which might not be a good thing. I feel like sometimes I'm just focused on doing the next thing in my life, rather then the thing I'm doing right now. It's like, even if today is pretty good, I'm always pushing for that next phase of life. I don't know if I'm just a malcontent or what. Did I use that word correctly?

One of the frustrating things about me (and maybe you too) is that I'm anti all the things I'm doing. It's not that I'm actually anti though, I'm just anti when I have a deadline and a grade attached to it. You know? For example, I'm a big fan of doing piano stuff, even though I'm not great at it. I like playing and getting better, just for funsies. But once there's a grade, it's way less fun. Just stuff like that I guess.

I'm still trying to get back into this blogging rhythm. Maybe a haiku will help:

Blogs, those strange musings
Do they really mean much at all?
I'm not sure; really.

Did anyone notice I cheated and put eight syllables in that second line? I did. Just cause I can. I wish my blog looked cool likes yours or yours. "I wish a lot of things in life." Yeah, whatever. Okay, maybe one of these now.

Recent Watchings:
Touch the Sound (directed by Thomas Riedelsheimer)
Zombieland (directed by Ruben Fleischer)

Recent Listenings:
Silent Alarm by Bloc Party
Gardent State Soundtrack
Watch Out! by Alexisonfire
Hell Or High Water by As Cities Burn
Yellow House by Grizzly Bear
Things Fall Apart by The Roots
XX by The XX
...and lots of other random stuff.

Oh, Hello (B230)

2010-09-29T00:43:00.001-07:00

It's already September 29th, so I feel obligated to write a blog. The thing is with blogs (hey Taylor, you've said this all before) is that it's all about momentum. The more I blog, the more I want to blog. The less I blog, the less of a priority it becomes.

I think a lot of things in life are like that though. It's not that the concept of said thing becomes less of a priority, but the reality of it being a priority in my life is definitely diminished. Does that make sense? It's like, if I don't practice very much for a week, it becomes easier to not practice, and so I practice less, and even though I know I should be still, it just doesn't matter as much or doesn't happen as much or whatever.

I don't really know. Maybe this is all really obvious and you are just scrolling through this and thinking about how bad of a blogger I have become. Maybe I've lost my touch. I don't know if I had much of a touch to start with, but I maybe lost that little bit that I had.

Your face is light and cocaine white/One message beating through...

It's been three months since I listened to this album, and I'm surprised it was that recent, because I haven't bumped to this on a regular basis for like three years. Maybe I'm just trying to recapture the old magic. That elusive, often fictional, old magic.

Sorry my return to blogging wasn't everything you hoped for, but I had to work my way back into it somehow.

Here in my room (B229)

2010-08-13T23:38:00.000-07:00

Two weeks to the day and I leave. My summer has skated on by, not even bothering to wait for me. How does that happen? Weeks and weeks of free time (with some working and other sort-of scheduled events sprinkled in there) and it always flies by. Somewhere I wrote down a list of summer goals, but I'm not sure where that list resides at the moment.

My sophomore year of college will begin as soon as the remnants of summer fall away. I'll be on top of things for a while, then probably fall behind for a while, then up my game the last few weeks of the semester and end up doing fine. Isn't this what I always do and always have done? Perhaps I am foolish enough to believe that it could be different this semester. Granted I can't keep up the same level of intensity at all times through a whole semester, but I think it could be a more balanced attack, if you know what I mean.

I will take a few moments here to lodge some complaints about college stuff: buying books. How can a textbook cost over a hundred dollars? Also, why do they need to publish a new edition every three years? There is nothing useful in that new edition. It just means I have to pay more money. The really annoying thing is that last year I had the 7th edition of a book for music theory and the bookstore is telling me for this year I will need the new, 8th edition. That is sooo not happening.

Alright, done with my mini-complaint section. I feel like I should have something more relevant or exciting or blogworthy, but I'm just drawing a blank. I'm pretty tired after having worked at 6 am the last two days. Tomorrow I go in at 11 am, which is definitely an improvement. My eyes are getting tired. I suppose I'll go to bed early and rise earlier than I would on the typical Saturday morning in the summer.

Such is the life of a young, Kohl's employee. For two more weeks...

Recent Readings:
Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke (I'm on part three, this book rocks)
Galatians, Phillipians, and Colossians all by Paul
...and random stuff in the Old Testament

Recent Listenings:
The Moon and Antarctica by Modest Mouse
No One's First And You're Next by Modest Mouse
Mines by Menomena
Friend and Foe by Menomena
Silent Alarm by Bloc Party
The Suburbs by Arcade Fire
Blood Bank EP by Bon Iver
Ups and Downs: Early Recordings and B-Sides by Saves the Day
...and random stuff by Incubus, The Bled, Grizzly Bear, Sigur Ros, Elliott Smith, Sufjan Stevens, Joanna Newsom, MGMT, etc.

So long to this cold, cold part of the world (B228)

2010-08-11T02:35:00.000-07:00

So in case you haven't noticed, I'm sort of a list guy. I like lists for whatever reason. I like making them, I like reading them, I like thinking about them in my head. It seems like a list is the best and most logical way to organize most things. That's just me though. You can think something different if you so choose.

Now, an announcement; I have had my MacBook Pro for one year now. It's actually been slightly over one year, but close enough, right? In honor of my one year anniversary with my MBP and my affinity for lists, I've decided to give you the top twelve albums I've listened to on iTunes since I got this baby. I will try to describe in five words or less why I like each one.

In order of listens from less to more:

12. Yellow House by Grizzly Bear: Campfire intimacy.

11. Give Up by Postal Service: Blips, bleeps, and Ben.

10. The Red Tree by Moneen: It's so happy and sad.

9. The Moon And Antarctica by Modest Mouse: Atmospheric yet angry.

8. Silent Alarm by Bloc Party: So much fun.

7. Beggars by Thrice: Lyrical honesty.

6. Hell or High Water by As Cities Burn: Where is this going?

5. Fleet Foxes by Fleet Foxes: English forest with birds.

4. Garden State Soundtrack by Various Artists: Memories.

3. All The Suits Began To Fall Off by The Mercury Program: Ultimate background/sleeping music.

2. Ágætis Byrjun by Sigur Ros: It's icy and gorgeous simultaneously.

1. For Emma, Forever Ago by Bon Iver: It emotes, it speaks.

Maybe bright and warm sun will come and shine on my face (B227)

2010-07-31T21:41:00.000-07:00

Whoa. July is done. Where did that month go? I'll tell you where... Working. Practicing again. Cafe Delirium. Reading "Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell." Figuring out how to be a more Godly man. And more.

That's where it went.

I suppose that means I have a little less than a month of my summer left. It's crazy how fast it has gone. I was thinking a day or two ago about how my summer is nearly in the books. Like, most of the plot has happened. I got all exposition in. I got the conflict in. I got the rising action. I might have even got the climax. Now it seems like it's heading towards the resolution stage.

All I can say is, it has been a ride. It wasn't at all what I anticipating May 14th when I got home. It has been much harder. But ultimately it has been much more powerful because of that. I got to see how my plan isn't always the best plan, or the plan that's going to work out. That's really hard to accept and to be at peace with, but it is possible to do.

Maybe one day my life will work out my way,
I might be running up hill, destined for tragedy.
Either way, I'm all in.

Thanks Scott Olsen. I don't see you anymore, but you speak truth man.

Moral of the blog: Get people to speak truth into your life. The end.

Colorado, colorado, colorado (B226)

2010-07-25T23:33:00.000-07:00

Band camp starts tomorrow. I know, band camp is lame, inevitably right? I mean it is called band camp. I don't think it's half as bad as you think it is though. It might be twice as bad as you think, or less than half as bad, but it's definitely not as bad. I have been involved in this camp the past 5 years (one year attending, one year showing up and sort of helping, the last three years as a high school/college intern). This year will be my sixth, which is sort of a crazy thing.

That means five years ago was right when I was going to this camp. I was going into high school, and I had high expectations for myself. And I probably thought "I'm going to practice so much and be soooo good in five years. That's an eternity to improve." And it's weird, because I did practice a lot, and I did get so much better, but as a friend recently pointed out to me, "the better you get at your instrument, the worse you feel you are."

This is only true to some degree though. When you first start, you know you suck. Then when you sort of start to become decent (about two or three years in for most people) you feel like a total champ because you are good for your age and whatnot. Then you improve for a couple more years and when you finally are actually starting to become sort of capable on your instrument, you start to feel like garbage.

I think it's because that's the point in which you understand your craft decently well, and you know what you want to say with your instrument, but you can't always say it. At least that's the trouble I have. "No no no, the notes and rhythms are right, Taylor, but I want them to express something different." That's me talking to myself while practice: I get down to the minutiae of what aesthetic or emotion or impact I want to have as the performer, and then I'm perplexed as to how to accomplish it and how to accomplish it with consistency.

All this is important, but I didn't really start this blog with the intent of explaining my theories behind musical development or whatever. Actually, I just wanted to get into how I am taking camp seriously this year. Go ahead, laugh. It is a band camp and it is for 6th through 10th graders. But I want to be an example of someone who works hard as a musician to the kids. I want them to see that I'm dedicated to bettering myself, but that I'm also dedicated to helping them get a little bit better this week.

I got out my music notebook and wrote down eight goals for the week. They cover what I feel I need to do to be succesfull as an educator this week. They are practical ("get to all rehearsals/sectionals on time") musical ("get notes and rhythms down with kids, but also discuss musicality when appropriate") and attitudal ("treat everyone with patience and fairness.") And yes, I just made up the word attitudal.

I don't know why I'm sharing this via blogspot, but I thought it might be interesting. Because after all, we're all growing up now and figuring out what we want to do and who we want to be and all that jazz. And one thing I want to be as long as I'm in music, is a helpful, patient educator. Without those people I never would have made it as far as I've come (note: I still have a ways to go). So I owe them all a "thank you," as well as an attempt to pass on the knowledge that they have given me.

So this is continuous happiness, Part 2 (B225)

2010-07-21T12:31:00.000-07:00

I am a mood person. Not a moody person, a mood person (although some might argue I am moody as well). By this, I mean I like my surroundings to reflect my emotions. My actions. The weather. Do you know what I mean?

Today I woke up at 9:30 to work next door. The guy that built my dad's house is building a house next to us and I am working for him a little bit. They even let me use the nail gun yesterday. But today, they didn't need me (at least not this morning, we'll see about this afternoon). But it was alright, because everything started to converge to reflect where I was at today.

It was a little overcast outside this morning. It felt like the type of day that you spend indoors, burrowing in blankets, sipping hot drinks, reading good English novels. I did three of the four (haven't happened by a hot drink yet). And the interesting thing was, when I opened the pages of my book, Susanna Clarke knew where I was too: "It was a day when any one with something to do indoors stayed indoors to do it, and any one who was obliged to go outside did so quickly and got back inside again as soon as he could."

And even though I started the day off with some Elliott Smith, I decided he wasn't right. Because he tried to tell me "everything means nothing to me," and even though it's actually a good song, and it's an overcast day, he just was wrong this morning. It doesn't all mean nothing to me. It's not all happy. It's not all enjoyable. It's not all what I want, but it does mean something.

So I had to switch to Dallas, and I knew he was right, because he told me "what a great day to spend indoors." But even today Dallas might be a little bit wrong...

"With the right drapes, the right paints, the right frames, this could really work."

But maybe it can't.

How will they know just where to find? (B224)

2010-07-15T02:05:00.000-07:00

New blog two days in a row? It's like Christmas has come early for all you consumers of The Classic Loop. Every now and then I think about changing the title to my blog, but I always decide against it. It's honestly just because I can't think of a better name. I can't even claim to have coined the term either, to be honest. It was a name for a driving route I used to take with a friend, which I then commandeered because I thought it worked well as a blog name as well. It's like you all are in my loop, you know? Not sure if anyone ever got that (or maybe everyone got that and I'm just being silly).

Joel has complained that I only rotate thirty albums in my "Recent Listenings" so I am going to try to introduce some new stuff to the rotation, and minimize the guys that always show up. Granted, I can sort of control this by when I choose to actually include a "Recent Listenings" section. There is actually quite a bit of music I have on this computer that I haven't listened to, so perhaps I should work on some of that.

One thing I get sort of tired of is explaining my musical endeavors. It's a pretty common question for people to ask "Do you play an instrument?" or "What is your major?" or "What do you like to do?" and, being the musician that I am, I have to answer honestly. Here:

Me: "I am a music performance major. I play percussion."
Person: "Oh, so like drums? What do you want to do for a career?"
Me: "Well yeah drums, but not really drumset*. I play like orchestral percussion and contemporary percussion literature. So anything from snare drum to timpani to marimba. I play a lot of multi-percussion set-ups. That could be like a set-up where I might have some toms, bongos, woodblocks, cymbals, tambourine, cowbell, or anything else in one large configuration."

* I do actually play drumset as you pretty much all know, but I don't study it and I don't want people's concept of percussion to be "you play drums." This is an inaccurate but understandable idea of what percussion means.

People tend to get confused. It's not really their fault, because they just don't know. But it's sort of a hard thing to explain adequately. I wish people could understand it better. Maybe someday I will write a book or write a special for PBS called "WTF is Percussion?"

I think it could be really informative for a lot of people. Then again, most people probably won't care. One can always hope.

Time for one of these:

Recent Readings:
Gospel of Matthew
Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke
The New Republic

Recent Watchings:
Boondock Saints directed by Troy Duffy
The Thin Blue Line directed by Errol Morris
Catch Me if You Can directed by Steven Spielberg
A Beautiful Mind directed by Ron Howard
50 Worst Movies of All-Time

Recent Listenings:
Diary by Sunny Day Real Estate
Phrenology by The Roots
Seven Swans by Sufjan Stevens
It's Hard To Find a Friend by Pedro The Lion
Figure 8 by Elliott Smith
Fleet Foxes by Fleet Foxes
The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me by Brand New
Yellow House by Grizzly Bear
Repeater by Fugazi
Relationship of Command by At The Drive-In
...and random stuff by Radiohead, Portishead; Crosby, Stills and Nash; Jeff Buckley, City and Colour, Simon and Garfunkel, Jeremy Camp, As Cities Burn, The RH Factor, and The Arcade Fire.

All things grow, all things grow (B223)

2010-07-14T02:13:00.000-07:00

We're already fourteen days into July and I haven't blogged at all. What's with that? I used to up my output in the summers, didn't I? I'll check real quick. July of 2008 had 14 blogs. July of 2009 had 3 blogs. July of 2010 so far has zero, but it's about to have one. What's up with that?

I've been getting into the swing of things at Kohl's I guess. I'm a pretty big fan of my supervisor Donna. She is am middle-aged lady with rosy cheeks and big hair. Real big hair. Like straight out of the 80's big. She gets worked up about little stuff, but not in the scary way some bosses do. It's a pretty good system really. Donna will tell you if you screw up, but at the end of the night you'll probably feel pretty good about yourself and the job you did, as long as you worked hard.

I'd say that's a pretty solid way to manage a team, you know? Tell people how to do things better, but not make them feel continually bad about past mistakes. Feeling continually bad about past mistakes (both little and big) is a pretty unhealthy way to live life actually. Learn from your mistakes, but don't be held captive by them. No one deserves that.

It's mid July (as I pretty much already went over) meaning that I have about 6 weeks before I go back to Tacoma/school. It's strange to me that my summer is over halfway done now. As in, I'm eight weeks into summer already. Wow. That's a lot of weeks. And what have I done with that? Let's make a little list:

-Hung out with cool people that I miss when I'm away
-Hung out with people who I didn't know very well until this summer
-Gone to CoreLife Church
-Worked for Kohl's a few days a week
-Drank coffee/chai, ate scones, and relaxed at Cafe D (often while reading, or sometimes just thinking)
-Made money doing random other stuff (house-sitting, helping out at the Boeing Safety Fair, yardwork for my Dad, working for Danny's parents, blah)
-Pursued the Lord (with mixed results, as is to be expected)
-Watched several movies (despite the sad state of movie rentals in today's post-modern society)
-Read some sweet books (nice mix of fiction, nonfiction, the Bible)
-Gone hiking a few times, almost died one of those times (thanks Joel)
-Practiced very little (finally getting back into it after a few weeks off...)
-Visited friends in Tacoma, then my sister in Seattle (thanks for letting me kick it at your place CK)
-Went to a childhood friend's wedding
-Made some music with my laptop, a keyboard, my voice, my drums and some gear Danny is letting me borrow.
-Slept a lot, ate well, been somewhat physically active, and lost a little bit of weight.

I think that covers most of what I have done. It's been an up and down summer, but now that I've taken stock of it, I find myself pretty contented. I hope the last 6 weeks or so are full of a variety of enjoyable things. There are still things left unchecked on my list. There are still people I haven't seen. Books I haven't read. Laughs I haven't laughed.

Life can be hard when things don't go your way, but ultimately you can makes things better a lot of the time by having a good attitude and having faith that things will work out. At least, that's the way I think life works.

You don't get something for nothing (B222)

2010-06-29T23:22:00.000-07:00

I just made some blueberry muffins. Well, they are currently in the oven, so I guess they aren't totally "made" yet, but I have pretty much done as much as I can. This is the second time in a week I have made blueberry muffins, although the first time it was actually a blueberry muffin loaf. Both times I have made them straight out of a box. I realize there is some kind of perception that making things from scratch makes it more legit. I have always held this point of view, but now I am sort of wondering why. It's like, sure, making something from scratch proves you know more about baking, but does it necessarily taste better? I mean, it might taste better, I'm not really sure.

But even if it does taste better, you are definitely saving a lot of time by making it from the box. And I know that's a total 21st century letsdoeverythingasfastaspossible mindset, but people invent things for convenience sake. For example, some guy decided to invent the car because it would be faster than taking the horse over to the neighbors. Some other guy invented the phone, because again, it would be faster than actually journeying to where the other person is to have a conversation. I'm not saying this is a perfect analogy to box vs. scratch baking, but I think it's an interesting thing to consider.

In the end, blueberry muffins late at night can be enjoyable either way (both the making and the eating). I think that is the important point to keep in mind. If you can make them from scratch and choose to do so, that's awesome. If your baking skills are like mine, I assure you it's alright to make it from the box and not feel too bad about yourself. Why I have the authority to assure you that, I do not know. I am just trying to be encouraging I suppose.

Don't we all need that from time to time?

Recent Readings:
Children of the Mind by Orson Scott Card (I finally actually finished the Ender Quartet)
The Road by Cormac McCarthy
Gospel of Matthew

Recent Watchings:
Knight and Day (only watch this if you are going for free and you want to see lots of explosions and car chases)
District 9 (this movie was so badass; I really think this is a superb film in a lot of ways)

Recent Listenings:
Dummy by Portishead
Yellow House by Grizzly Bear
Veckatimest by Grizzly Bear
From A Basement on the Hill by Elliott Smith
Figure Eight by Elliott Smith
On Letting Go by Circa Survive
Juturna by Circa Survive
This Is Happening by LCD Soundsystem
Crisis by Alexisonfire
Neon Bible by Arcade Fire
Funerla by Arcade Fire
Blood Bank EP by Bon Iver
Kid A by Radiohead
In Rainbows by Radiohead
Hail to the Thief by Radiohead
Porcelain by Sparta

My chest hurts a lot tonight (B220)

2010-06-25T00:53:00.000-07:00

Five creative things that I have enjoyed lately:

1. "Searching for Gods Knows What" by Donald Miller

I loved this book, and even though it is a cliche Christian thing to like, I love Donald Miller. The thing is, I'm surprised that he is so popular in the weird (often lame) Christian sub-culture that exists. But I find myself asking early on while reading, "Is Miller a great writer with average ideas, or is he an average writer with great ideas?" It took me about ten more pages to figure it out; he is an average writer with great ideas. He manages to put some totally unrelated ideas out there and attach some value, some message, some importance to these arbitrary experiences and ideas he has, but then he always follows through with a coherent point. It's not very often that someone manages to be unique, honest, and creative while talking about real life. Miller does this.

2. Grizzly Bear's three song live set from Cemetery Gates:

I might have mentioned this before in my blog, but up until tonight I hadn't seen this video in a while. Every time I watch it, I appreciate everything about this band and their ability to re-conceptualize their music in a live setting that stays true to the original, while also making interesting changes. The first time I watched this it made me start to consider my notions about what a rock/indie band is, what sorts of parts instruments are "supposed" to be playing, and how to approach songwriting differently.

3. "Where Have You Been?" by Manchester Orchestra

Just a single song. This is really outside the realm of normalcy for me. I am an album man; I like bands that can successfully put together a string of songs that are consistent and are, I suppose, worth more than the sums of their parts. Manchester Orchestra is a band whose albums I have never got into. I don't like most of their music that much. I don't think it's bad, I'm just not all about it. But something about this song is different; from the persistent, yet unabrasive drumming through the song, to the gospel pads floating throughout the track, to the repetitive longing in Andy Hull's questions about God, this track is a piece of art.

4. "Crisis" by Alexisonfire

When I wrote my blog in January ranking my top fifty albums for the 2000s, this came in at number eleven. If I were to do the list again, I'm sure it would again end up in the top 15 or so, depending on my mood. But right now it's really up there. It occurred to me today that it is probably the only album that I truly think every track is great. There are certainly other albums with higher peaks, but they tend to have lower valleys too. Even Radiohead's best albums, Kid A and OK Computer, which are probably the best albums to come out in the last twenty years, have some dull moments. Crisis (for me) is extremely consistent. I have put many albums on with the intention of wanting to hear a specific song many times, but it strikes me that I think I have craved hearing every individual song from this record on different occasions. This record is dark, energetic, lyrically intriguing, and is the the best album Alexisonfire has put out by a ways. Plus, how can anyone resist Dallas Green?

(Also these guys put on a hell of a live show).

5. "Chinatown" directed by Roman Polanski

I have heard a lot about Roman Polanski over the last year, and if you follow popular culture at all, you have too. But I had never seen one of his films until tonight. I was expecting a lot going in, but I was kind of disappointed the first 15 minutes or so. Then he started blowing me away. This is probably the best detective/mystery film I know of. Jack Nicholson is hilariously sarcastic and undeterred by the forces against him. The further I got in the more I thought I understood, but really the less I did. Polanski successfully took me captive for two straight hours and made me fall for every trick or lie he wanted me to. I didn't even put up a fight. I admire that in a film. If you haven't seen this film, you should. I feel like I barely scratched the surface.

They call holidays an option for a reason (B219)

2010-06-23T17:43:00.000-07:00

Today I finished 2nd Corinthians for (I'm pretty sure) the first time. At some point I started this habit, that whenever I finish reading a book of the Bible, I check it off in the front of my current Bible, which I've had for the last five years or so. So when I checked off 2nd Corinthians I looked to see what was left in the New Testament; Matthew and Revelation. The first and last books of the New Testament, respectively. But I know for a fact I have read both of those books before at some point during my life, prior to having my current Bible.

The point of this is to say that I have now read the entire New Testament. (If you are not familiar with the Bible, the NT starts with the birth/life of Christ and then covers a lot of early church history, whereas the Old Testament is concerned with creation, the law, the nation of Israel and their history, etc.)

I am nineteen years old, have always liked reading, and have grown up in the church, and I just now finished the New Testament. I have to admit, I'm sort of embarrassed about this. After all, there are some people who read the entire Bible through every year. And it's taken me nineteen years to get through one of the testaments (the shorter one at that). Sure I couldn't read the first 4 or 5 five years of my life, but I've still had easily a decade to get through this thing.

And I'm not trying to act as if reading the Bible makes you a good person (or a good Christian for that matter), or not reading it makes you bad, but still, it's interesting that it has taken me so long. If you look at what people spend their time and money on, you generally have a good indication of what they really care about. And I have certainly spent a good amount of time over the years reading the Bible, but I realize I have been very lacking in this area throughout certain seasons of my life (see almost all of last semester).

One thing I've been learning a lot over the past year or two, but particularly over the last month or two, is that what is in the heart is the most important thing. I can read the Bible 5 hours a day and still have a selfish, arrogant, spiteful heart beating in my chest. But I also recognize that my heart is changing because I'm doing things like reading the Bible, and my changing heart wants to read the Bible more. It's really quite difficult to read 2nd Corinthians and see Paul's heart and not have immediate respect--and also longing--for what Paul has.

And interestingly enough, as my heart changes to be like Paul's, my actions start to reflect that heart. I do good things because that's what I'm actually desiring. I don't do sinful things, because it pains me to do them, because my heart isn't interested in it as much now.

I've again broken my rule of being too serious and talking about religion in my blog. However, it occurs to me that Jesus spent a lot of time breaking rules, and it really worked out pretty well for him.

I'm still young and I'm dumb. (B218)

2010-06-20T00:33:00.000-07:00

I don't mind. And when you're here, I'm alright...

I almost never start a blog with any topic in mind. I should retract that, sort of. Sometimes I do have a topic in mind, but I rarely write about it. Instead my brain gets distracted by things that I didn't even know were going on and I start writing about completely different things then I expected. It's quite the little psychological extravaganza, eh?

I know I mentioned getting hired at Kohls, but I don't remember if I have talked about it at all. Basically I put up little signs all over the store that tell you how much an item costs and whether or not it's on sale or whatever. It's quite stimulating. Really it's not, but I can't complain. As I've been informed from a variety of family members (Mom, Grandpa, Grandma, and other Grandma) teenage unemployment is like 27%. Apparently that's really bad, but I don't really know. I'm not a statistician or an unemployment expert. But everyone talks about it being a really bad percentage, and I believe them. Getting a job is hard right now.

So I am thankful for my minimum wage job putting up little signs at a women's department store. However, it has made me re-realize my desire to go into an occupation I actually enjoy. Even if the money isn't that great. I would much rather be somewhere saying "I am doing something worthwhile for a living."

I have really been considering this question a lot lately. I'm trying not to get too caught up in figuring it out right now, because after all, I'm only 19. I have completed one year of college. And there are virtually no career pathways that are out of the question at this point (I am still in denial that I will never make it as an NBA player. Why can't a 5' 7" white kid from Troutdale, OR be an NBA all-star? I made the freshmen basketball team for crying out loud!).

But it's pretty tough because the thing I am pursuing is one of those things you kind of have to be pursuing from the beginning. Or at least that's how I feel sometimes. Right now I am trying to find the balance of focus/dedication and open-mindedness to the vast possibilities that are out there.

I don't know even know the point of this blog sometimes. Maybe I should write a book, make a bunch of money and retire before I turn 20... Sadly, I think that is significantly more likely than me making it into the NBA. Damn my natural disadvantages.

Autumn Sweater (B217)

2010-06-15T00:11:00.000-07:00

Do you sometimes say to yourself, "There is simply too much out there in the world"? This has been something I have struggled with off and on for quite some time. Expounding upon that, I feel that there are so many interesting things to see, do, experience, soak in, retain... It can be overwhelming really. If I think about it too much, it's like sensory overload.

I've spent the last few years moving towards the goal of pursuing music professionally. But sometimes I say to myself, "What if I didn't?" Don't take this the wrong way; I love music, and I always will. It's just that sometimes I realize the path that I have to take to "make it" in the world of that I am trying to make it in might not be worth it. There might be other things that I enjoy just as much that don't require me to sacrifice nearly everything to pursue. That's sort of what I'm getting at with this sensory overload description of the world. See, I love music... But I also love history, politics, and global events. I love watching and dissecting films. I like to read and write. I like (I've rediscovered this recently) sports and being active.

I feel there isn't enough time in the day (or in a lifetime) to fully appreciate all those things. So sometimes the music world frustrates me because it seems like the only attitude is, "If you want to succeed, your life must revolve around this thing completely."

And that's just not how I feel. To be truly great at it seems to require a drive and a dedication that I sometimes feel is lacking in myself. Perhaps this is true with any passion though. Do people who want to become actors or doctors or whatever else say to themselves "There is just too much drive and dedication needed to do this"? I'm certain they do, because so few people actually become actors or doctors, or a whole of other jobs like that. And really, I'm sure that people who have made it musically experienced doubts and second thoughts about pursuing it. After all, it's normal to question things, to change your mind, even if what you're doing isn't necessarily a bad thing, even if it is something you actually enjoy.

I think this ties into another thing I've been thinking about lately; good vs. great. Some things we have in life are good. They are blessings. They aren't something we should complain about. And sometimes we have to give those good things up to get something truly great. Sometimes that means you have to say "Going to College A could be good. But going to College B could be great." Sometimes that means pursuing Occupation A could be a good fit, and you could be sort of happy doing it and make some decent money or something. But it turns out Occupation B is amazing for you; it fulfills some part of you, you enjoy doing it every day, etc. You get the point.

And I wonder now, is pursuing music professionally simply a "good" fit for me? Because I know it's not a bad fit. I know I could "make it" if I put in the work. I'm not saying I would be the best, or internationally known or anything "great" in the grand scheme of it all, but I think I could make a living at it if I pursued it hard enough. It's just that some days (like today) I wonder to myself, is there something I could be pursuing that is great, rather than just good?

The answer to that is complicated. In some ways I already know and understand what the answer is, because I know what is at the core of my life, what my drive and passion are focused on, and that is not music. But I still recognize that the pursuit of an enjoyable occupation is a worthwhile one, and that is what my college pursuits are focused on. So I am pursuing, but not always certain that it's the right choice.

It can be very hard to discern between the voice of truth and the voice of deceit when both of them seem to be speaking at just moderately loud volumes about this. Which is which? It's hard to tell really. Only time will tell.

Recent readings:
Ephesians by Paul
Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller
The New Republic

Recent watchings:
Almost Famous directed by Cameron Crowe
Talk to Her directed by Pedro Almodovar
NBA Finals

Recent listenings:
Silent Alarm by Bloc Party
Never Take Friendship Personal by Anberlin
The Dawn by BEDlight for BLUEeyes
Come Now Sleep by As Cities Burn
Mmmhmm by Relient K
xx by The xx
Fleet Foxes by Fleet Foxes
In Rainbows by Radiohead
This Is Happening by LCD Soundsystem
...and random stuff by Tortoise, Reeve Oliver, Bright Eyes, Aphex Twin, Beloved, The Mercury Program, and Spoon.

She was sitting there and she was reading this really arduous magazine article about a third world country that she couldn’t even... (B216)

2010-06-13T15:05:00.000-07:00

I'm employed finally. I think. After four weeks of searching, a few interviews, several applications, and a lot of wasted time on Craigslist (as well as advice and ideas from everybody I've talked to about it), I've got something. Probably.

I had an interview at Kohls a week ago. It went alright, but I didn't hear back. Until yesterday. Someone called me to set up my orientation day. Hmmm...

Woman from Kohls: So your orientation will be at 10 AM Monday morning. Does that work for you?
Me: Uhm yeah.
Woman: Okay great!
Me: So, I'm sorry, can I just clarify? Is this the next step of the interview process, or do I have a guaranteed job?
Woman: Oh! I only call people when they have the job. Did Tina not call you to offer you the job?
Me: Uhm, no, she didn't.
Woman: Well, they don't send them to me unless they've been hired. So I think you're hired...

Okay then, Kohls. I will see you guys at 10 AM on Monday morning. Can't wait.

Hopefully this works out, so that I can cross "Not having a job" off of my "Stuff that sucks in my life" list. This is not a real list. Well, not physically.

Next thing to tackle on the list: "My car turning off every time I stop." So far two trips to KP Automotive and $130 hasn't resolved this issue.

Here's to having faith.

When the burden seems too much to bear... (B215)

2010-06-11T02:05:00.001-07:00

In my bedroom at my mom's house I have a bed with a matching bookcase that goes behind it. The shelf that sits right above my head as I sleep usually holds my alarm clock, my glasses, whatever book I'm reading at the moment, my cell phone, that sort of thing. But sitting at the back of the shelf for the past 5 years now has been my Walt Morey Middle School 8th Grade picture. You know the one? The whole 8th grade class sitting together in the bleachers of the gym, a few days before we started the big trek through high school.

I don't have any particular attachment or affinity for this big picture, it just happens to be sitting there. It's one of those room fixtures that sort of goes unmoved (and often unnoticed) for years. But just now I picked it up and looked through the faces, not every single one, but certainly the majority of them. It was one of those moments where I realized how much life has happened in the past few years.

As I identified faces, I kept track of what I knew about these people; those three girls, all mothers now; they got pregnant in high school and had the babies. Her and her; married before we graduated. That kid accidentally shot his best friend in the head in their apartment weeks before we were set to graduate from high school. I'm pretty sure she is a stripper. Someone posted pornographic pictures of that girl on the internet. He got a girl pregnant and dropped out probably during sophomore year. His dad died the end of our freshmen year, so he dropped out and he's been playing videos games ever since; I think he works at the gas station now. Those two lost their virginity together freshmen year of high school; turns out he's gay. I don't see one person's face in the picture that should be there, but I am certain he is in prison for killing his girlfriend's baby.

It was shocking actually, to realize how hard life is for so many people. And granted, many of these people made poor decisions along the way, but how many of them even had a real chance to simply be a "normal" kid, free from the decisions and responsibilities people ages 16, 17, or even 19 should be free from? I don't really know the answer to that question.

It's really quite odd, because I remember my health teacher in 7th and 8th grade, Ms. Banks, talking about the horrors of high school and life after junior high. I can remember thinking how dramatic she was, and how fictional her ideas seemed to me. And it hasn't hit me until now that she was actually pretty much right. People you know start having sex, they try drugs, they get drunk, they have messy relationships. They commit crimes. They go to jail. Sure, it's not everyone you know, but it's a lot of them.

The thing is, as far as the sex, booze, and drugs go, that happens for most people in college. And I still disagree with a lot of it there. But there comes a point when you are an adult making poor decisions; you understand the ramifications of what you are doing, and you decide that the benefits outweigh the negatives. But kids who are 16 don't understand that; they made these choices to escape. They were grasping in the dark for something to hold onto, and they found things that were easy to grab and pursue for a little while. Then the consequences of their naivete and irresponsibility caught up to them, and they got sucked under by something a lot more powerful than they could have ever imagined.

This isn't a condemnation of these individuals, and naturally most of them are victims of circumstance rather than particularly villainous or ill-willed people. But somewhere over all those years kids fell, one at a time, off the band-wagon of what kids my age "should" be doing. This sort of freaks me out. Where the hell was I during all of this? I don't even know. But now I can look back and lament that so many people my age have dealt with so much more than they should have to deal with: guilt, pain, sorrow, numbness, loneliness, abandonment. You know, the works. But in that same breath, I am so thankful that I was spared from so much of this. Sure, I know all of those emotions and feelings, but probably not to the degree that many of my peers have experienced.

Shame on me, first for feeling sorry for myself on this particular night, when I am so blessed compared to so many. And shame on me again, for ignoring so many of those faces, and for wounding a few of them with my words and actions. Perspective is a powerful thing, and as I get older it gets heavier. All this and I'm not even twenty years old yet. Life is such a complicated thing.

You'll keep it on the inside, 'cause that's the safest place... (B214)

2010-05-31T22:55:00.000-07:00

I am listening to the How to Destroy Angels EP that just got released online today. Hmmm... I don't know why. I have no hopes or expectations for this band. And I'm not a big fan so far. It's pretty noisy. Is this a factory scene in a sci-fi movie...? That's what I keep asking myself. You feel me?

I'm already two weeks into summer and counting. That's the crappy thing about summer; it just flies by like nobody's business. Sure it's fun while it lasts, but it's almost cruel how fast it goes. Then all the responsibility, busyness and sleep deprivation come back and hit you in the face. I don't want to deal with that. Not now, when I'm starting to get into this nice summer groove.

I seriously don't know if I can last through this song. It's so abrasive. Not in a good way.

Back to summer grooves. The thing is, I want to pack summer full of fun and fulfilling things. You know, really get my money's worth, right? But the problem is, the more stuff you cram in, the faster it seems to go. But if I just do nothing and lounge around, it won't even be that enjoyable. So it's a lose-lose.

Perhaps what is really more important is having a more balanced and healthy school life. I'll be honest, I was barely holding on second semester. I mean sure, I got through it all without any meltdowns or whatever, but it was completely unenjoyable a lot of the time. And I wonder how to get past that. Step one is to be less busy. Unfortunately, that's easier said than done. There's just not a whole lot I can cut out. I'm just rambling now, but I think you see my point. There's some dilemmas to face. Perhaps even a trilemma or three.

The thing is, I know I'll face them, and I know it'll all get done when it needs to. But the thing I'm starting to question is, how long can I sustain that attitude? Can it get me through three more years of college (and then grad school)? Maybe, maybe not.

But why am I worrying about this right now? After all, it's still summer. It's not even June. For another hour. May has already faded...

Stuff and things (B213)

2010-05-24T13:27:00.000-07:00

I just need to do one of these blogs to get it all out of my system. I know you readers for the most part don't care about everything that's going to follow, but I need to write it down so that I can start new. It's like hitting the refresh button. I have consumed so much since I have been home.

Recent Readings:
Bible Doctrine by Wayne Grudem
The Gospel of John
9 Stories by J.D. Salinger (almost through "For Esme-With Love and Squalor"

Recent Watchings:
The Prestige
Blade Runner Director's Cut (only half of it)

Recent Listenings:
We Are the Romans by Botch
Worship and Tribute by Glassjaw
Two Converstions by Appleseed Cast
Mare Vitalis by Appleseed Cast
Peregrine by Appleseed Cast
The Question [Deluxe Edition] by Emery
Porcelain by Sparta
Fleet Foxes by Fleet Foxes
Stay by Jeremy Camp
Beggars by Thrice
Requiem in D by Mozart (performed by Berlin Philharmonic)
Symphony No. 7 and No. 4 by Beethoven (performed by Cleveland Orchestra)
Vheissu by Thrice
Threes by Sparta
Symphony No. 1 & 5 by Beethoven (unsure who performed them)
All We Know Is Falling by Paramore
Grace by Jeff Buckley
The Argument by Fugazi
The Fire Theft by The Fire Theft
All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone by Explosions in the Sky
The Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place by Explosions in the Sky
World Waits by Jeremy Enigk
Are We Really Happy With Who We Are Right Now? by Moneen
The Red Tree by Moneen
The Satanic Satanist by Portugal. The Man
Missing Link by Jeremy Enigk
Garden State Soundtrack by Various Artists
From A Basement on the Hill by Elliott Smith
Figure 8 by Elliott Smith
...and a bunch of other random stuff.

7021. (B212)

2010-05-21T21:53:00.000-07:00

Am I procrastinating right now? That's a difficult question to answer. There are more important things to do besides writing this blog. Trying to find a job. Sucking less at music. Reading something enlightening. Cleaning up my room and finishing the move-back-in process I started a week ago when I got home from school. Is this my first blog since I've been home? Let me check... It is indeed. I haven't bothered to blog in all my free time I suppose.

I don't entirely know what to write. Nothing is perfect. Few things are completely clear. This is all in my own life, but it probably applies to you too. But at the end of the day, I'm alive. I keep experiencing this. In fact, I've experienced it for 7021 days and counting. (That is an accurate number. I used a calculator.) And sure, that number may stop at 7022, or 7023, or it might not until 29540, but for the time being, the days keep rolling over, adding up. But they are more than numbers; they are fragments of a bigger puzzle, a puzzle that will one day be full and complete, no matter what number it stops on.

I think the point is that I am recognizing this life is a process, with a very clear start and end, but with very few concrete checkpoints throughout it. Really it is all what you make of it. A man I respect a lot once said in a sermon (paraphrased), "The most worshipful tool you have is choice." What he meant is that life is full of choices. Some of them help others, some of them hurt others, some of them have no right answer, and some of them have no wrong answer. Ultimately though, they all matter, they all contribute to outcomes, to new paths, to closure, to friendships, to families, to jobs, to everything. They are all a part of the process.

What matters (for me) in this process is that it is constantly moving forward, moving in a way that is pleasing to the one who set these parameters of life and death, then formed my hands and my heart and my mind and put me down in this hectic world. I have discovered I will never be all the way there. As Wayne Grudem informed me recently (paraphrased), "Sanctification is a process that cannot be finished in this lifetime." That's a fancy way of saying I will never be perfect as a flesh and blood human being.

But my choices on day 7022 and 7023 will lead me closer to the prize that I am ultimately seeking. I'm not always sure why or how, and sometimes I feel like giving up. Hell, sometimes I do give up for a while. But every time I get back on, because that's all I can do; keep surviving, continue adding to the puzzle, extend the process of life.

My heart will have it no other way.

"My heart is filled with songs of forever
Of a city that endures, where all is made new.
I know I don’t belong here; I’ll never
Call this place my home, I’m just passing through."

Giving up in the middle of the night, I will run to your side (B211)

2010-05-07T23:54:00.000-07:00

So my beard is doing fairly decent. It's still a level or two below where I want it to be, but I decided to go outside my typical box and post a little picture action. Straight from my blog to your eyes.

I don't know if you even care. You probably shouldn't. It's just a beard after all. But beards are valuable part of society. I know my beard does a lot for me. It keeps my face warm, it allows me to save time by not shaving, and I genuinely believe it keeps me safer (who wants to mess with a guy with a beard, even if he is 5'7" and kind of wimpy looking other than the beard?). It also gives me talking material, blogging material, and... yeah that's about it I suppose.

I'm never sure if it actually looks good. People out there are kind of divided on beards. And a lot of dudes are pro me growing a beard because they either can't or aren't willing. I think there are a good number of women who like it because their boyfriend can't do it. Someone want to dispute that? Alright.

I feel like I need to talk about something other than beards before I wrap this blog up...

Two days, two great movies, not a ton of productivity. I guess tomorrow I'm getting my work on. Have to do the whole finals thing after all. Bleh.

More beard:

There's a bad song on the radio (B210)

2010-05-06T11:26:00.000-07:00

It's been a bit. That tends to happen when things get crazy in my life. And they get crazy a lot. Do they really? Or am I just overhyping how much stuff I have going on? Apparently overhyping isn't a word. Oh well.

I finished my last days of class yesterday. It's crazy that I've already made it through a whole year of college classes. Granted, I still have finals week, so I'm not exactly finished, but still. I'm on the homestretch. I have rounded third base. I am about to make a fastbreak lay-up. Well, that last one took it a step too far. It's not going to be easy, these last days. There will be a lot of studying and practicing. That's pretty much it actually. Study, practice, study, practice, practice, eat, sleep, blog, study, practice. That was unnecessary.

I'm excited for summer and what it will hold, but I don't want to get too into the "It's summer" mindset yet. Too much to do still. But there will be a lot of sleeping and relaxing as usual. However, I think I'm going to challenge myself to approach this summer a little differently. I'm not sure how yet, but I want to do more with it. I know you are all saying "Every summer (or school year) people always make goals and they never come close to meeting them all." And yeah, I get it. But I am keeping in mind some characteristics I have that aren't going to change, while also challenging myself to do a little more.

In a week or so, it will be time to make a list and such detailing all that I want to accomplish or consider accomplishing. But for now, it's focus on school, get a little sleep for once, work some extra hours to have some money to spend... the end.

This wasn't what I was going to write about. But what was I going to write about? Probably deep things. Or humorous things. They can both wait.

Recent readings:
Stuff on microfinance
Stuff on Maxim Gorky
Bible Doctrine by Wayne Grudem

Recent listenings:
Cease to Begin by Band of Horses
String Quartets by Philip Glass (performed by Kronos Quartet)
Her Greatest Hits by Evelyn Glennie
Panopticon by Isis
Garden State Soundtrack by Various Artists
Friend EP by Grizzly Bear
Yellow House by Grizzly Bear
Watch Out! by Alexisonfire
Failure On by Beloved
A Dream is a Question You Don't Know How to Answer by Jonny Craig
Norgard: I Ching, Xenakis: Psappha, Gudmundsen-Holmgreen: Triptykon performed by Gert Mortenson and the Danish National Radio Symphony Orchestra
Dummy by Portishead
Grace by Jeff Buckley
etc.

It's gone. (B209)

2010-04-28T00:52:00.000-07:00

I hate serious blogs. Haven't I said that a million times? Not yours. Yours can be serious and I have no problem with that. But mine... aren't they supposed to be a well of wit and humor? Or at least poor attempts at wit and humor? They used to be so disjointed so meaningless, so casual, or something.

Unfortunately, I feel a serious one coming on. Maybe serious is the incorrect word. Pensive? Perhaps that's the right one. Because I still haven't come to terms. I'm not even sure with what... It's just that I have all these memories of things I used to do, friends I used to really know, and communities I used to be a part of. And now, it's all in the past except for what is in the present. Maybe that seems extremely obvious, but really, what happened to all those people I used to know and see every week, maybe every day? I don't know. Sure they're still out there, but who are they? What have they been doing? Do they ever think of me? Does it really matter?

The fact is, growing up and moving on means you have to come to terms with all the significance of all the things in your past. Maybe that is too deep or too concrete of a way to look at things. After all, our perceptions are always changing. And yes, they do say hindsight is 20/20, but that's only partially true. Because in a few more years I will still have hindsight of the things that are in my past now, but my perception will be different then. Is this making any sense? I don't know.

But Moneen got me thinking... about people, about places, and about emotions. It's so strange how that works. But sitting alone in my dark bedroom on 2711 Evans in Troutdale, Oregon comes to mind, if only because it was where I grew up. That's strange, because it's not the house I've lived in all my life, but it's the one that holds the most value for me right now. Maybe because it's out of my grasp. Maybe the room is just a symbol for a whole number of things in my life. Maybe it's because hindsight is actually flawed and I am romanticizing my memories of growing, learning and maturing in that room, in that house, at that time. After all, life was imperfect, and I was impatient then. And, shockingly, not much has changed. But I don't have that room to ponder in any more.

I wonder if I can ever get any of that back.

Slowdance on the Inside (B208)

2010-04-17T16:46:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in the Bellevue Regional Library now. That's in Bellevue, Washington if you didn't know. Bellevue is probably the nicest city I've ever been to. I had no never really known anything about it until I got to school. However, after spending all day in the city, I don't know how I feel about it.

When I say "nicest" I mean, it has the most money. Many those terms shouldn't be synonymous, but I think you know what I mean. All the buildings (library, city hall) are amazing. The city park has a waterfall. The mall was kind of ridiculous. I could live here and squander so much money on so many things. I don't think I would enjoy that though. I enjoy how beautiful the city is though. Except maybe it would start to bother me that the beauty is mostly man-made if I lived here. Does that make it any more or less valuable? Those are the questions I ponder, when I have 7 hours of free time between a dress rehearsal and a performance, with no place to call home anywhere nearby.

It's funny how the things we want and value have the capacity to change so much. Right now I wouldn't want to live in Bellevue because it is too clean and immaculate and comfortable. I'm young; what 19 year old needs to live in a city like this? But perhaps in a decade or five, comfortable, convenient and safe will be my top priorities. I guess what I mean is I still love Portland and its dazzling oddness, and I probably always will. But at the same time, I'm realizing that maybe I won't appreciate it as much in the next stage of my life. Maybe I'm missing the point completely. I don't know. Do I ever?

I wonder if the Bellevue Regional Library cares that I am ripping their CDs while in the library. Probably not.

I think it's time to do some studying. Then, performing with the Bellevue Philharmonic again. Here's hoping I don't mutilate my triangle part.

Recent listenings:
Where You Want To Be by Taking Back Sunday
For Emma, Forever Ago by Bon Iver
Blood Bank EP by Bon Iver
The Missing Link by Jeremy Enigk
Hell Or High Water by As Cities Burn
The Alchemy Index by Thrice
Untrue by Burial
Daydream Nation by Sonic Youth
Realis by A Hope For Home
A Weekend in the City by Bloc Party
Silent Alarm by Bloc Party
Morning View by Incubus
...and random stuff by Mozart, Schubert, Bach, Schumann, Sufjan Stevens, The Beatles, Grizzly Bear, Mahler, etc.

I'm not happy that it's raining.

Round and round we go, she won't stay dead. (B207)

2010-03-30T13:47:00.000-07:00

Stay down.

I am a music performance major. Is that official? Let me check... No. It is not. Music and business are the only majors at Puget Sound that you have to apply for. For any other major, you can just go click on a button online and it becomes your major officially. That's pretty cool.

The rest of the semester is all about practicing. I will admit, I have been a big slacker when it comes to practicing this semester. I have (some) valid reasons. Taking a heavier class load. Doing a work study. The composers conference. Pit orchestra. But now, it's back to practicing.

The thing about practicing is that it is never something you want to start doing. But then once you get started, you don't want to stop. Or you want to come back for more as soon as possible. Maybe that's not what it's like for you. Maybe YOU don't practice at all, because whatever you are into doesn't require that. But my life does, so here I am, trying to do it. A lot.

The great thing about practicing (besides it making me a better musician) is that I feel like I've accomplished something like 95% of the time when I get done. I'm never like "Oh I really wish I hadn't spent the last hour practicing." It's like, I wish I cared less about everything else so I could just practice. Well, I only feel that way sometimes. But you know what I'm saying. Right? Sweet.

Sometimes I forget how good certain bands are. And then I rediscover them. That is a great feeling. Yes.

Danny, if you happen to read this at some point, I must admit that you are a great gift giver. I mean, if you can figure out when the hell to actually give someone something, it's pretty good. That's all.

Everything that matters to me (B206)

2010-03-27T13:08:00.000-07:00

I used to title almost all of my blogs with song names/lyrics from songs, as pretty much anyone who reads this blog regularly knows. At some point I just decided to start titling them based on content. Some days I feel like going back though, because sometimes a song is actually a better representation of what I'm feeling or thinking then explicitly stating it.

I guess what I mean by all that is that music (for me at least) conveys emotions in ways that nothing else can. Maybe that sounds kind of deep and metaphorical, but really it isn't. The only playlists I ever make are ones that fit certain ideas for me. On my old computer I had the "Dark" playlist. On my Mac I have "Solemn." Those playlists are actually somewhat similar.

I could list all the songs that are part of them, but I don't want to. It's not like it's a secret or anything, but it is something personal. It feels personal when the words come out, because they are coming out straight at me. Even though I understand musically the rhythms, and now the chords and melodies and everything, it still amazes me that the combination of all of these things by a person (or a group of persons) combines to form something that reverberates so deeply within me.

Really, I'm not sure how I would handle not having music that fits the emotional state I'm in. Sure, I'm not always listening, and sometimes I actually love silence. But it's moments like right now, when I need certain words sung in certain ways, with waves of guitars and pianos and drums swirling all around to form something unique, yet universal.

It soothes the soul, particularly when the soul needs soothing. And days like today remind me that I need this sometimes, not because of any personal problem or frustration I have at the moment, but because I realize that the people in my life are so vastly special, even with their faults and quirks and complaints. My heart aches a little bit when I realize how empty some of their lives are, especially when I know how full they could be. It's almost overwhelming.

College, real life, and good grades (B205)

2010-03-26T12:42:00.001-07:00

I have work in 18 minutes. Is that enough time to conceive of and type a new blog? I definitely think so. After all, my posts are all quite short and lacking in real substance anyway. I think that's the purpose of my blog though. Sort of.

Somehow, another week has ended (almost). Once I get to Friday night, everything changes. I can relax for an extended period of time. I can sleep. I can do my laundry and clean my room, and feel some energy and drive being restored so that I can face the next week.

I was reading Andrew's new blog and he said something like... well I'll just copy and paste real quick.

"College isn't life, it's just all the good parts in one place. None of the bad... If you don't like college you're either taking it too seriously, unbalanced, or you need to transfer to a nice state school. The fact remains though that life is out there, not in here."

I contemplated this and decided I only partially agree. I like college. Sure. But at the same time, it is a ton of work, and to say it has none of the bad aspects of living an adult life is inaccurate in my experience. Although on second thought, maybe he is right; the "bad" parts of adult life aren't really present for most college students.

But a lot of the hard parts are. Like actually being responsible for yourself at all times. No one is going to wake you up and tell you to go to class. If you are sick, there your mom is not there to get you everything you need. If you screw around and get bad grades, no one really cares anymore. It's not high school where the teachers are there for the students and want you to succeed. It's college, and your profs probably want you to succeed, but they aren't even going to consider babysitting you the way high school teachers do. Their job is to show up and impart their vast knowledge on students so that they can get paid so that they can support their family while doing their real work, which is writing books on the stuff they care about.

College is an adjustment. And even if you do pretty well adjusting to a whole new lifestyle, it's still going to be difficult at times, because it's all new and because you are no longer the best at anything. This last thing has been strange for me; I am writing better papers than I ever did in high school, but it still makes me a B+ type of student, not a top of every class kind of student.

The thing is, it's college, so it's a lot easier to care less. Not in an irresponsible way. I do care about my studies and getting good grades. But ultimately, I'm already in to college, which was half the reason to get good grades in high school anyway. So why kill myself trying to be perfect? There is no reason. Really.

This didn't really go the way I expected it to, but there you are. Life is that way. Blogs are that way. I should probably go to work.

Writing papers, conundrums, and knowing what I want (B204)

2010-03-22T11:50:00.000-07:00

I have been back in Tacoma for less than 48 hours, but I already feel like everything is going full bore again. I basically spent the whole weekend completing a paper on fair trade, which was due this morning. I probably should have gotten more work done on it earlier. I planned on doing more work earlier, but it just didn't happen. I think that is one of my major issues; I am rarely productive unless there is some pressure to do so. But at the same time, I hate feeling stressed because of deadlines, so I want to do things before there is pressure. It's quite the conundrum.

All this has been compounded by the question that I have to keep asking myself, "What do I want?" This is a question that I can't figure out the answer to. The frustrating thing is, I think if I just knew the answer, I could get there. If I was certain that things A, B, and C were exactly what I wanted to do in my life, then why wouldn't I just dedicate everything to getting them? The problem is A,B, and C seem to be changing all the time.

I wish I could settle on something.

The upside of working for hours on researching and writing a paper is that you are able to listen to tons of music. Silver linings...

Recent Listenings:
The Weak's End by Emery
Diary by Sunny Day Real Estate
The Missing Link by Jeremy Enigk
Illinois by Sufjan Stevens
Seven Swans by Sufjan Stevens
Garden State Soundtrack by Various Artists
Figure 8 by Elliott Smith
From a Basement on the Hill by Elliott Smith
Sun Giant EP by Fleet Foxes
Fleet Foxes by Fleet Foxes
Agaetis Byrjun by Sigur Ros
The Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place by Explosions in the Sky
Debussy: An Introduction to His Piano Music by Claude Debussy (performed by Scott Price)
Only By The Night by Kings of Leon
Yellow House by Grizzly Bear
Broken Bells by Broken Bells
Contra by Vampire Weekend
Friday Night In San Francisco by Al Di Meola, John McLaughlin, and Paco De Lucia

Typical musings and references to music (B203)

2010-03-19T00:34:00.001-07:00

I'm trying a sort of new lay-out. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but I wanted to make some changes. Really, the root issue is that I have no real computer skills. But at least now my blog is green instead of blue. Is that an improvement? I don't really know, but I'm doing it anyway.

I just headed over to my favorite snobby indie rock site Pitchfork and discovered a pretty awesome video interview with Fleet Foxes. They talk about life on the road and life as a band and such. It also contains them playing some tunes, or parts of tunes to be accurate. It is well worth the view. Here, I even embedded it for you.

I'm disappointed that I have never been able to see them, but then I realized that I have actually seen very few bands that I am really into. Part of it is an age thing; I have really only been old enough to go to shows for like five years now. That sounds a little silly, but it's true. Not very many thirteen year olds are rolling to shows. And besides, the music I liked when I was thirteen was awful.

I have been to a good number of shows, but a lot of it has been because of my friends being in bands and whatnot. So really, I have actually seen a lot of bands play that I didn't want to see play. Local shows rarely have many good bands playing. That's probably why they are still local.

This Spring Break is nearly done, and I am not happy with that. It has been a pretty good break, despite some oddities and, of course, imperfections. I experienced frustration, confusion, and annoyance at times. (All due to the DMV at some point or another, although other things have also caused those same feelings). But I have also experienced relationships that I miss when I am away at school. Relationships with a myriad of people really: family, best friends, old friends, and friendships that are just developing. Those are all good things.

Now, it's time to get a few things done before I trek back to Tacoma, Washington. And then, in eight weeks I will be home for the summer, having completed my freshmen year of college. What happened to all the time? I guess I will keep saying that the older I get. Such is life.

Recent Readings:
Psalms and Proverbs by David, Solomon, and friends.

Recent Watchings:
SwimFan (uh... yeah it was free on OnDemand)

Recent Listenings:
The Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place by Explosions in the Sky
Son, I Loved You At Your Darkest by As Cities Burn
Merriweather Post Pavilion by Animal Collective
Silent Alarm by Bloc Party
Blue Blood EP by Great Waves
Contra by Vampire Weekend
Vampire Weekend by Vampire Weekend
Kid A by Radiohead
Crisis by Alexisonfire
...and random stuff by The Strokes, Fleet Foxes, Sufjan Stevens, The Chariot, Postal Service, Beach House, The Morning Benders, etc.

A weekday in the city and an amateur blogger (B202)

2010-03-16T00:22:00.000-07:00

I have been anywhere from mildly to extremely frustrated with two things in the past 48 hours or so; the DMV and my paper on "Free Trade Is Fair Trade." Which, for the record, it is not. The DMV scenario is one that is way too complicated to explain in a concise blog, but I will just say that it involves a faulty insurance quote, a sort of lost-then actually lost-then actually found title to my car, and way too much money. The paper is a paper. What else can I say about that?

Regarding more interesting things; I stumbled across this website today called The Awl. It seems like a really hilarious site. Here is a link to a video that is super hilarious. I feel bad about finding this funny. After all, I am a big animal lover, but this is just ridiculous. There are so many funny elements in this news sequence, it's almost as if they made it as a joke. I don't think they did though... In case you aren't interested yet, the name of the video is "Diminutive Canine Viciously Ensnared By Fierce Claws Of Monstrous Fowl." Oh Lord.

Tomorrow I am hitting up downtown P-town for a while to see the city and get involved in some artistic endeavors. Hopefully they turn out well. If not, I will still get to see a few familiar spots in my favorite city. Coffee Time perhaps? I suspect. Maybe even Voodoo. That would be nice. That would be real nice. I wish this picture wasn't quite so big, but my blogging skills are still pretty raw. You'll have to be patient with me everyone. Thanks. You rock.

Recent Readings:
Romans by Paul

Recent Listenings:
Figure 8 by Elliott Smith
Mare Vitalis by The Appleseed Cast
Peregrine by The Appleseed Cast
Oracular Spectacular by MGMT
Porecelain by Sparta
Threes by Sparta
Rhapsody in Blue/An American In Paris by George Gershwin (performed by NY Philharmonic w/ Leonard Bernstein conducting)
The Devil And God... by Brand New
Yellow House by Grizzly Bear
Veckatimest by Grizzly Bear
...and random stuff by Elliott Smith, Thrice, LCD Soundsystem, The Decemberists, M. Ward, Radiohead, Kings of Leon, MIA, etc.

Midnight snacks & whatever time opinions (B201)

2010-03-15T01:25:00.000-07:00

Alright, midnight snack (or 1:26 AM snack) obtained. Check this out: Cheerios with banana slices, walnuts, honey, and a little cinnamon on top, plus milk. Rad. Sometimes even I am impressed with myself.

My spring break has been pretty breaky so far. Saturday Danny and I consumed some delicious Mexican food in Gresham, followed by a nice Cafe D session and a walk through the surrounding neighborhoods. Then, I hit up Kristin, Karen, and Ellis for some excellent cookie making action. I love cookies.

Tonight Peter and I watched The Hurt Locker. It was a pretty interesting film. It started a bit slow for me, and I'm going to be real honest and say without spoiling anything that the ending left something to be desired. However, it was a pretty intense movie. The character development is really good once the film gets going. There are some pretty messed up scenes, but I think they all serve a purpose in presenting this world filled with death and risk and uncertainty. But besides that, it is definitely a far superior film to Avatar, so I'm glad it won the Academy Award for Best Picture.

I would like to do a list of my recent listenings and whatnot, but I've been so scattered that I've made it through very few albums as of late. However, I can tell you that right now I am listening to "Porcelain" by Sparta. Still not sure how I feel about this album after 5 years of listening to it sporadically.

I think it's interesting that my brain (and many other people's brains) make this arbitrary decisions about what is and isn't good. Why is the Hurt Locker a good film? Why do I really like this album "Porcelain" sometimes, but not others? Why did my cereal concoction taste good just now? They are mysteries that I'll probably never fully understand. That's all.

Home. (B200)

2010-03-12T22:01:00.000-08:00

Spring break has finally arrived. It's sort of strange for me to put it that way, considering that the last eight weeks have flown by. The semester has sort of been a roller coaster. Perhaps I mentioned that in a previous post, but if I didn't... it has been. I have been super motivated for long stretches, and completely unmotivated at other points. There have been some really happy, uplifting times. There have been some frustrating and confusing moments.

And now, there is a break. It's only for a week, but I hope it will be enough to rejuvenate. Sure, it will be nice to have no real obligations for 7 days, but at the same time, I know that these days will fly by. And then, I will be back in the thick of it. Eight more weeks of being too busy, probably sleeping too little, and not always enjoying the vast number of things flying at me at all times.

The thing is, I think the good moments justify all the frustrating and negative times. Having a laugh with the everyone in the studio, or making a bowl of guacamole late on a Wednesday night, or contemplating life while sipping coffee and savoring Orange Creamsicle bread in the Opp sort of makes all the frustrations worth it.

Going away to college is hard. You rip yourself away from all of your family and friends. You put yourself in an strange new living situation with a roommate you don't know at all. You take away the comfort and familiarity of your surroundings. Classes are (way) harder. Expectations are higher. Responsibilities are greater. It becomes obvious why many people don't make it through their first year, or don't come back.

But at the end of the day, I can say I am a few steps closer to being the person I want to be, and leading the kind of life I want to lead. That's sort of the motto I profess in the studio: "Suck less." If you suck a little less every day, I think things take care of themselves.

I didn't realize I had that much to say. Here's to relaxation, Grizzly Bear, a cup of tea, and a bit of sleep. Then, back to work.

P.S. Here's the house I am living in next year.

Perspective, Kristoff, and Pt.M (B199)

2010-03-08T12:46:00.000-08:00

I've been out of the rhythm of things lately. Blogging got put on the backburner and I don't even know how or why or when. Actually, I can tell you when by simply looking at when my last post was. February 26th? Today is March 8th. So it's been like ten days or something. Here's the crazy thing about life; in ten days so much life has happened for me. I've been all over the place in both the literal and the metaphorical sense. And I think that's normal; who doesn't experience a plethora of emotions over a course of a week and a half? Or even a day for that matter.

In ten days I've learned some new things about myself. I turned nineteen. I played in three concerts. I took a couple tests and wrote a paper. I listened to some bands that I've never listened to before. I overcame some challenges. I failed when facing some others. But in ten years, if I'm still around and whatnot, I highly doubt I'll remember the details of these last ten days. Life is awfully funny that way.

I guess I'm just trying to put things in perspective, partially for you (the reader), but perhaps even more so for myself. That's all.

On to some other details:

Nicholas D. Kristoff of the NY Times wrote a really great column recently that seeks to enlighten people about the emphasis some Christians are putting on global aid and humanitarian efforts. It's an interesting and relevant article regardless or your religious beliefs.

Also... new Portugal. The Man album "American Ghetto" came out. They rock, plus they're from Portland. So check it out. (I will admit at this point I haven't listened to the whole thing, but I will).

Time to go to work.

Sleeping habits, freakouts, and helping people (B198)

2010-02-26T21:55:00.000-08:00

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind for me. Next week probably will be too. I don't really know what I have going on the week after that, but somehow I think it will also be crazy busy. That's one of the killer things of life; being busy. I honestly thought (silly me) that in college somehow I would be less busy. Sure, I knew I would have to work harder to keep up with classes and all that, but I didn't envision having a schedule with places I have to be at certain times (like I did in high school). The thing is, I can't even do the classic college kid technique of getting very little sleep. My body just decided it's not going to happen. I mean, I'm not exactly sleeping like a king or anything, but I'm physically not capable of pulling an all-nighter it seems. This could be a problem in the future, but for right now, it's alright.

Today in International Political Economy I had a mini freak out while talking about exploitation of garment workers in the Mariana Islands. I said to myself "Taylor, why aren't you doing something about things like this? Combating this sort of thing would be a fulfilling career because of the opportunity to legitimately help people."

It reminded me of Mrs. Osborne pushing me towards investigative journalism when I was in high school. As of now, I am back to being happy with my music major, or at least I am not looking to change it. However, it occurs to me that I won't be satisfied with my life if I don't do things to help just causes. I'm not really sure how that will manifest itself in my life, but I want it to. Maybe I even need it to.

College is such an odd time. I'm not really sure how I feel about it, but I'm still here, so there you go. I'll leave you with that.

Recent listenings:
Beggars by Thrice
Garden State Soundtrack by Various Artists
Picaresque by The Decemberists
Give Up by The Postal Service
The Red Tree by Moneen
Sound of Silver by LCD Soundsystem
Perpetual by Michael Burritt
Fleet Foxes by Fleet Foxes
Sun Giant EP by Fleet Foxes
...and various piano pieces by Mozart

Sports and Stickies (B197)

2010-02-14T02:58:00.000-08:00

A few things are necessary for discussion right now. What things? Remains to be seen... Alright, here we go.

I've actually been working out since I started coming to Puget Sound. I've gotten more consistent this semester too. I've gone running twice a week since I got back. Not to mention me and the music dudes are tearing up the b-ball court. Actually, we aren't that great. But it's fun, and it's good for me.

I think that at college I finally am able to balance my desire to be different with an acceptance of fitting in. It's sort of an odd thing. I mean in high school I was really anti a lot of athletic stuff simply because I didn't (and still don't) like the favoritism shown towards sport in schools, specifically basketball and football. At a small private liberal arts school in Tacoma, WA, people just aren't that worried about sports being more important than everything else. The ironic thing is that this has really encouraged me to be more "in to" athletic stuff than I have been in a few years.

Also, I love sticky notes. They revolutionized how I get stuff done. Sort of props to Sarah on that one. I have always been a sticky note guy when necessary, but Sarah reminded the great feeling when you can check something off a list. I'm still refining my list system, but I'll make it work I suppose.

There are so many things to do in life...

Recent Watchings:
Wizard People, Dead Reader (this is only sort of a movie.... look it up)

Recent Listenings:
Marimba Meets the Classics by Naoka Takada
Perpetual by Michael Burritt
Endserenading by Mineral
Waiter: "You Vultures!" by Portugal. The Man
Relationship of Command by At the Drive-In
Porcelain by Sparta
Threes by Sparta
Greatest Hits by Elton Johns
The Red Tree by Moneen

That was (this is) so real... (B196)

2010-02-09T02:02:00.000-08:00

I have a million things going through my head right now. Not in a bad way either; it's not the overwhelmed state of due dates and commitments haphazardly rushing towards me as the hours rush away. Rather, it's the state of learning contentment with a multitude of things.

I think this sort of thing is about having a good attitude. I was just discussing this with someone. I noted to him that when we hang out together we tend to complain about a lot of things, and it's generally in a pretty negative way. I suggested we try to be more positive and constructive while still criticizing things that are bothersome. He concurred. The consistency of this remains to be seen, but I believe it.

What are the things I am thinking about though? That's what really matters I think. First, I have found housemates for next year. It should be stellar. Now we just need a house. Second, practice is the best when you can actually tell you've made progress. I don't always know if it's just a mental thing, but it inspires me to continue. Third, things are going pretty well right now; everything is in it's right place, it seems. "Everything" is actually an exaggeration (duh), but I am happy with trying to tackle what's in front of me right now. It's not always happy and fun while it's going down, but every night I fall asleep and every morning I wake up, ready to go again.

Recent Watchings:
Stand By Me

Recent Listenings:
Grace by Jeff Buckley
Give Up by The Postal Service
The Red Tree by Moneen
Garden State Soundtrack by Various Artists
OK Computer by Radiohead
Is This It? by The Strokes
Between the Heart and the Synapse by The Receiving End of Sirens
Crisis by Alexisonfire
Old Crows/Young Cardinals by Alexisonfire
Menos el Oso by Minus the Bear
On Letting Go by Circa Survive

Facts (B195)

2010-02-03T19:22:00.000-08:00

1. Sometimes the little things in life are far more frustrating than the big things. I can't really explain why. I suppose because big things can be faced head on with everything you have, and people will absolutely understand you for it and support you. Big things don't give you the time or the room to worry about failure. You don't over-analyze you just do, and either succeed or fail.

Little things get to you. They bother you at the inconvenient times of life. They are never bad enough for surgery, but they sting or blister or bleed. They really irritate the hell out of you.

2. There's nothing like having good friends. Not perfect friends, because those are nonexistent. But friends that can relieve your anxiety, can reassure you gently, can provoke you to improvement or to perhaps to greatness. They make up for your shortcomings and deficiencies. You can't count on them to fix everything or have all the answers, but you can count on them to love you, support you, help you, and simply listen to you. Really, that's what friendship is anyway.

3. I don't what number three is. I do know that I don't know all the answers, but I know some. Thrice gets pigeonholed as this sort of hardcore band with big riffs, punk beats, and lots of yelling. They grew up though, and Dustin Kensrue sure writes about truth a lot.

"For all my suffering’s a light and momentary pain,
While the weight of an endless glory still remains."

There's a lot more than that, but that's (part of) what reminded me that life is okay, even though the little things can be frustrating.

Pepper kernels and B.O. (B194)

2010-02-01T12:24:00.000-08:00

It's lunchtime. I'm subbing it right now, but it's kind of rough. For a... wow a pepper kernel just exploded into hottness in my mouth and now I am basically crying from it. Anyways, lunch is rough for a few reasons.

A) A pepper kernel just exploded in my mouth.
B) My lunch sucks. For some reason I thought this grilled sandwich was going to be good, and as a general rule, grilled sandwichs are good, but this one is garbage. I could only handle like two bites. The meat is shiny or something which is gross, and there is some weird vegetable spread mixture thing. Sauerkraut? Is that what it is? I don't actually know what sauerkraut is, but whatever is on my sandwich is what I imagine sauerkraut to be. Yuck.
3) I had something else, but I don't remember what it is.

I'm thinking about getting all complainy and political here. It might make for a good change. Nah. But I will talk about a few things in the news briefly.

First, Barack Obama on the deficit, straight from the New York Times:

“We simply cannot continue to spend as if deficits don’t have consequences, as if waste doesn’t matter, as if the hard-earned tax money of the American people can be treated like Monopoly money,” Mr. Obama said at the White House.

Now I'm not anti-B.O. or anything. I'm fairly neutral on B.O. But my response to this quote was "Duh." Glad we're on the same page B.O. Next time, maybe you could talk about how murdering people is bad or the sky is freaking blue. Oh well, at least he's trying.

My goal for this week is to not be behind on anything at the end of the week. I want all my sticky note items checked off. Wham. Bam. Yeah.

Time to do something productive for 25 minutes before I work. I need some real food now.

Come Now Sleep (B193)

2010-01-29T18:42:00.000-08:00

No, seriously, I'm really tired.

Well, it's Friday night, so I guess it's time to write another blog. My daily schedule at this point is just not permitting me to blog at any other point really. It's sort of unfortunate, because it would be a nice way to break up the day now and again.

As I mentioned in my last blog, this semester is all about working way harder than I have before. It's going pretty well so far, but I think I need to reorganize my strategy. I've done (almost) all the readings and homework for all of my academic classes, but it's sort of taking away from the time I should be dedicating to practicing. Practicing percussion that is. I think this week I've played almost as much piano as I have percussion, which doesn't even make sense.

So my new goal is continue being productive, but to be slightly more efficient and spread my workload out a little better. This might entail actually reading on the weekends. Craziness. But actually, I don't think I'll mind too much. My readings for Russian Revolution are all pretty interesting, so it doesn't really feel like work.

I think I need to update my calendar, clean up my room, and get some quarters so I can launder my clothes. I also would like a nap, but seeing as it's nearly 7 PM on Friday night, it may not happen. Regardless, I can relax for a bit before facing the endless list of tasks I have for another 14 weeks or so.

Really though, all this busyness isn't too bad. I have taken some good walks late at night when I leave the music building. This is generally happening around 1 AM, so no one's out. I just walk in a big loop around part of campus, looking at the houses in the neighborhood and the various buildings on campus, and the way the sky looks at night. It calms me, it helps me focus in a way that isn't stressful, and it makes me realize that I can actually do this day after day if I take things one step at a time.

Recent Listenings:
Come Now Sleep by As Cities Burn
Hell Or High Water by As Cities Burn
Beggars by Thrice
The Alchemy Index by Thrice
The Artist in the Ambulance by Thrice
Is This It? by The Strokes
The Red Tree by Moneen
Oh Inverted World by The Shins
Broken Boy Soldiers by The Raconteurs

Hard work and harder times (B192)

2010-01-22T23:51:00.000-08:00

It's been a week since I blogged apparently. I've been meaning to most of the week, but there just hasn't been very much free time to be totally honest. Sure I've wasted a little bit of time, but by my standards I have been highly focused, organized, and hardworking. I feel like this is what Sarah's life is like all the time. How do you do it Sarah? I'm tired. I guess it's good it's the weekend.

It's strange to complain about your circumstances. It's like, someone somewhere always has it worse than you do right? Sure, my week has been tough and stressful at times, but I am choosing to be here doing this, because I know it's for the greater good. It's crazy how much people like me complain about having too much homework, or about the SUB food not being good, or about our parents frustrating us sometimes.

And granted it does seem lame or frustrating in the moment, but then I compare my life to people in third world countries. There's people in Mexico in little dirt-road, scrap-metal shack villages that I've met and talked to and eaten with that don't even have the capacity to think of my life as being difficult or frustrating. I can't even imagine what it must be like to be in Haiti right now, where most people already had nothing, and now it's almost like they have less than nothing. Like their lives on a scale of 1 to 10 are somehow negative numbers.

That blows my mind. I hope it blows yours too.

On tea, Winter Break productivity, and being young (B191)

2010-01-15T23:02:00.000-08:00

Hold on, I need to get a beverage before I start this blog.

Mission accomplished. I have been trying to get into the tea scene. Here is what I have discovered; if I put a little bit of milk and honey, and a decent amount of sugar in, I like tea. This might not be what tea purists are all about, but hey, I'm trying. If you don't like something, why consume it? My reasons for trying to get into tea are as follows:

1) It's healthier than coffee.
2) It's cheaper than coffee (at least if you are me and generally drink lattes rather than drip coffee).
3) It's easier to make at home than coffee.
4) The caffeine is far less, so it won't keep me up at nights.

That being said, I'm currently enjoying some raspberry hibiscus tea. With milk, sugar, and honey, as I mentioned.

Winter break is sort of drawing to a close for me. Has it gone as planned? Sure. I slept a lot and did several of the things I wanted to do. Could I have been more productive? Definitely. But then again, that's why it's called "Winter Break." Summer Break is a little different; it's long enough that you better still be pretty productive. But considering all things, I did pretty well over the last month. Tonight I think I am going to pound through some Orson Scott Card to finally finish the Ender Quartet, which I've been trying to do for about 5 years. Then, who knows?

Tomorrow, hopefully I'll get some FotM action in. Some practicing. Some relaxing. Some reading. Some hanging out with friends I won't see for a few months. I guess that's all? Don't know. But I do know that the next 60 hours are going to fly by; then, I'll be settling back into my part-time home in Tacoma. Or is Portland now my part-time home? I don't really know. I guess that's why I'm still just a kid, if only for a few more moments or weeks or years.

I haven't titled this blog yet. I usually do it first, but I usually blog to albums that I know. This is The Visiter by The Dodos, and it's pretty good, but I don't know it, so I don't want to steal a line from it. I guess I'll just give this blog a title that is accurate-ish for once.

The boy never gets older (B190)

2010-01-13T15:15:00.000-08:00

Last night I went to Andrew's and we started our long talked about The O.C. marathon. We watched 8 episodes in one night. There are about 25 episodes per season for four seasons (the fourth is like 16 episodes though). So... it's going to take a while. Darn.

Here's the thing with The O.C.; I know it's a terrible show. The acting isn't good. The storyline is clearly teenage soap opera to the core. Actually, watching it from the very beginning made me realize that the show had a lot of potential to be legitimately good. It was squandered in the name of teenage satisfaction.

Now I watch it for a few reasons. First, it's nostalgic, since I did watch it back in the day. Second, I never did see the first or the fourth season, just seasons two and three, so I kind of want to know the whole storyline of the show. Third, why not rot your brain every once in a while? I mean, people already call me a music snob, and the way I'm watching movies these days, I'm going to become a film snob too. I don't really watch TV in general. So I'm giving in to watching something not good, but entertaining, if only this once. After all, I can only be a teenager once.

I'm thinking about going clean shaven one of these days. I don't really know. I just have the desire to change something up. We'll see.

One of these days I'll post some links to my friends who do cool stuff that you should look at. Maybe.

You blink when you breathe and you breathe when you lie (B189)

2010-01-11T18:38:00.000-08:00

You blink when you lie.

I just had my first organ jam in a long time. It was so rewarding. I am thinking about recording some sweet song ideas on organ. The best thing about organ is, you can pretty much get the whole rhythm section going with just the one instrument. It has built in grooves. It has pedals for bass parts. It has two keyboards, one for accompanying and one for "soloing." It also has the ability to make up some accompanying rhythms on bass and the second keyboard if you tell it to. Plus my organ has tons of effects: reverb, delay, tremolo. And different voices. I feel like this organ album is going to be really sweet. I'll get right on it everyone. You'll see.

Today Joel and I got some sweet Stumptown action in with Wallenius, then we hit up the Mexican restaurant right next to the 10th and Galleria MAX stop. I never remember the name of that place, but their food is pretty fantastic. And who can pass up a Lime Jarritos? Is it Jarrito when it's singular? I don't know.

The best kind of friend is the kind of friend you can spend a lot of time with and not spend a lot of money. What I mean by that, is the funness of your time together doesn't have to be defined by doing stuff, but it's instead defined by the actual relationship between you and said friend. You know what I'm saying? Maybe you do, maybe you don't, but you've probably experienced it at some point.

I've never really been into Jack White, but he's growing on me.

Recent Watchings:
The Departed
Public Enemies

Recent Listenings:
Horehound by Dead Weather
The Red Tree by Moneen
'Round About Midnight by Miles Davis
In Rainbows by Radiohead
All the Suits Began to Fall Off by The Mercury Program
Is This It? by The Strokes
Contra by Vampire Weekend
Beggars by Thrice

You are my center when I spin away (B188)

2010-01-09T14:40:00.000-08:00

Last night I saw Avatar. It was pretty much exactly what I expected it to be; fantastic visually, and very underwhelming in regards to the acting, plot, etc. It's an interesting thing; most people go into it expecting it to be exciting and visually stunning and all that, but they know it's not going to be a good movie in those other regards. Why is that what people prioritize? I for one found the movie entertaining, but in no way would I call it a great film. I would never put it on my list of favorite movies or best movies. Yet it's already made over a billion dollars, and it's the second highest grossing film of all-time.

Maybe it's because most people are looking for entertainment instead of art. I mean I certainly want to be entertained by a film, but I would rather appreciate a well-crafted story then a piece of eye-candy. Perhaps other people don't look at it that way, or perhaps they think of Avatar as more than eye candy. Granted I have a lot of respect for all the work that went into making the film look that good. I suppose what I'm trying to say is I don't understand what most people are looking for in a film. Then again, I don't understand why popular music is popular.

My best guess is that popular films and music are usually easy to digest, to understand. There is no work on the consumer's part. People don't like to work hard. I think that's it. I'm not really sure, but I'll let you know when I am.

Recent Readings:
Children of the Mind by Orson Scott Card
Nine Stories by J.D. Salinger

Recent Watchings:
Avatar (directed by James Cameron)
City of God (directed by Fernando Meirelles)
Inglourious Basterds (directed by Quentin Tarantino)

Recent Listenings:
In Rainbows by Radiohead
OK Computer by Radiohead
The Resignation by RX Bandits
We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank by Modest Mouse
Agaetis Byrjun by Sigur Ros
Polaris by Mark Ford
The End of the Ring Wars by The Appleseed Cast
It's Hard To Find A Friend by Pedro The Lion
Sound of Silver by LCD Soundsytem
Wavering Radiant by Isis
Everybody Loves You by Kaki King
Juturna by Circa Survive

I've been lying wide awake, paralyzed by the buzzing of the television (B187)

2010-01-07T02:15:00.001-08:00

Despite the Winter Breakness of my life right now, I am striving to keep the blogging going. In theory I should blogging more now that I have time, but this rarely works out.

In the past few days I have decided I might want to acquire a digital camera. Not anything super expensive mind you, just something that can take photos. I might really enjoy spicing up this blog with some excellent photos of my life and whatnot. After all, a picture's worth a thousand words. Right? Is that true? I'm not sure, but it would be fun. Anyways, if anyone has the inclination to purchase a reliable and easy to use digital camera for me, feel free to. Not that I am expecting this, but it would be a pleasant thing.

Sometimes I wonder if reading reviews of albums, movies, and books is really worth it. It's just their opinion, right? I like reading reviews though. I like disagreeing. I like agreeing. I even like not being sure every once in a while. I dislike when the reviewer misses the whole point though. That's the worst. Or when I read a bad a review for something that has so much emotional depth (at least for me). It's like "The other stuff doesn't matter! This thing just straight up means a lot to me, that's all!" I don't know. Sometimes I think I should be a film or music critic, but I'm not sure if I would succeed or not. I may not be independent enough as an art consumer to do that.

I am currently not ready to go back to Tacoma, but I still have a week and a half, so I think that's good. I am hoping I am able to wind down with the days; in a week I should have a desire to go back. Can I encourage that within myself? Of course I can.

Tomorrow new things await. Time for sleep.

Caring is creepy (B186)

2010-01-05T15:10:00.000-08:00

I had one goal for today; wake up before noon. Didn't even come close. I mean granted I went to bed pretty late, but still. What the heck me? This crazy sleeping schedule I am adhering to needs to change a little. I mean I'm not trying to go to bed at 10 PM and get up at 7 AM or anything crazy like that, but this 4 AM to 2 PM stuff is just too far.

When I got up this morning, or this afternoon I suppose, I had this sweet idea; letting the earth dictate my sleeping times. It sounds all crazy, but what if I got up with the sunrise and went to sleep with the sunset? Is that not realistic? Why isn't our society based on that? It would make way more sense. If anyone has any theories on why humans sleeping times have shifted so much from what they probably are naturally, let me know. I mean obviously I realize artificial light is a big factor, but beyond that I am stumped.

Since I failed in my only goal for today, it's time to set some new ones.

1. Practice
2. Watch a solid movie with Joel and possibly co.
3. Read some books. Or some portions of a book perhaps.

Sounds pretty attainable. I feel like I should have more practical goals though. Maybe tomorrow. Time for some breakfast.

Recent readings:
Xenocide by Orson Scott Card (finally finished this after several months of inconsistent reading)
Nine Stories by J.D. Salinger (the writing is brilliant, but I still don't know what any of the stories are really about)

Recent listenings:
Oh, Inverted World by The Shins
Silent Alarm by Bloc Party
Headhunters by Herbie Hancock
The Moon and Antarctica by Modest Mouse
Good News For People Who Love Bad News by Modest Mouse
Veckatimest by Grizzly Bear
Fleet Foxes by Fleet Foxes
Agaetis Byrjun by Sigur Ros
Endtroducing by DJ Shadow
Kind of Blue by Miles Davis
Mare Vitalis by The Appleseed Cast

Top Albums of the 2000s (B185)

2010-01-02T20:09:00.001-08:00

As promised, here is my top 50 albums of the 2000s. I've been revising the list on a regular basis for a few months. I think that this sort of list is always going to be changing, based on someone's mood, personal taste, and all that. My list is a "best of" to some degree but also a "my favorite." By that, I mean that there are some albums that are on the list because they have had a lot of personal meaning and impact on my life and musical development. There are some fantastic albums that aren't on the list because they just haven't been meaningful to me personally. Of course, there's tons of albums that I just haven't listened to, or haven't listened to enough to fairly judge. Also, this list is mostly focused on genres of music I am knowledgable about; indie, alternative, post-hardcore, post-rock, and experimental rock primarily. I am a big fan of classical and jazz too, but that's a completely different world, and not one I am addressing with this list. Enough talk: here's my list, in order, from number one to number fifty.

1. Radiohead - Kid A
2. Thrice - Beggars
3. Emery - The Question
4. Brand New - The Devil and God Are Raging Inside of Me
5. Sigur Ros - Agaetis Byrjun
6. Thrice - The Alchemy Index
7. Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes
8. Radiohead - In Rainbows
9. Grizzly Bear - Veckatimest
10. Thrice - Vheissu
11. Alexisonfire - Crisis
12. Incubus - Morning View
13. Emery - The Weak's End
14. Circa Survive - Juturna
15. Moneen - The Red Tree
16. At the Drive-In - Relationship of Command
17. Circa Survive - On Letting Go
18. Brand New - Deja Entendu
19. Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Age
20. Modest Mouse - The Moon And Antarctica
21. Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
22. The Decemberists - Picaresque
23. The Mercury Program - All the Suits Began to Fall Off
24. Bloc Party - Silent Alarm
25. The Strokes - Is This It?
26. As Cities Burn - Hell or High Water
27. Modest Mouse - Good News for People Who Love Bad News
28. Minus the Bear - Menos El Oso
29. Menomena - Friend and Foe
30. The Fall of Troy - Doppelganger
31. Arcade Fire - Funeral
32. The Bled - Found In the Flood
33. Underoath - Define the Great Line
34. The Fall of Troy - Manipulator
35. The Mars Volta - De-loused in the Comatorium
36. Moneen - Are We Really Happy With Who We Are Right Now?
37. Underoath - They're Only Chasing Safety
38. City and Colour - Bring Me Your Love
39. Explosions in the Sky - All Of A Sudden I Miss Everyone
40. Portugal. The Man - Waiter: "You Vultures!"
41. Radiohead - Hail to the Thief
42. dredg - El Cielo
43. Kings of Leon - Only by the Night
44. Alexisonfire - Watch Out!
45. Rx Bandits - The Resignation
46. The Mars Volta - Frances the Mute
47. Postal Service - Give Up
48. Portugal. The Man - The Satanic Satanist
49. Sufjan Stevens - Illinois
50. Franz Ferdinand - Franz Ferdinand

I'm Not (B184)

2009-12-23T22:39:00.001-08:00

My blog has really been getting the neglect since I've been done with school. I'm not totally sure why that it is, since I've had loads of free time. Maybe it's because I just don't feel the need. Why don't I feel the need? Why do I now? These are all unsolved mysteries. I'll let you be the judge of their answers.

Christmas is about here. Two more days. Last week I was talking to my mom... Here:

Me: What day is Christmas on? Friday?
Mom: Well Christmas Eve is on Thursday, so yes technically Christmas is on Friday.

This made me laugh a little bit. Technically? There isn't really any technicalities applicable in this situation. She did explain that she considers Christmas Eve part of Christmas, hence her confusing statement. It does sort of make sense, because our family gathering is on Christmas Eve rather than Christmas day. Oh well.

I would like to offer some profound statement about the nature of Christmas or the practices of the holiday season, but I have none, other than it continues to be a cultural phenomenon that baffles me. If only corporate America could trick the nation into spending this much money year round, then the economy would be great right? Right.

Hopefully Portland can continue to refuse Walmart's attempts to build a second store in the city. If there's one thing our mayor is actually doing, apparently it's this.

I haven't been this disjointed in a while. Hopefully I will get into the blogging spirit again with this one. We'll see. Now it's off to a game of midnight Risk at Scrotey's.

Menuetto: Allegro; Trio (B183)

2009-12-16T20:11:00.000-08:00

It's the home stretch. I'm on the eve of my last final. Right now I am bumping the Mozart that I have to be able to identify tomorrow. Not entirely sure how that's going to go. I'll probably end up listening to it way too many times tonight and then I'll be really sick of it.

One thing I've had to work on in college is personal responsibility. Like, actually knowing when I have tests and assignments instead of relying on other people to do it for me. In high school Abby and Maria always knew what I needed to do when, so I just let them figure it out for me. I tried to convince them both to come to Puget Sound to further enable me, to no avail. Prime example; knowing when my theory final is tomorrow. I was pretty sure it was 10 AM. In fact, I had been planning on that all along. Here's a little conversation I had with my prof today while passing him in the hall.

Me: Hello.
Hutchinson: Hey Taylor.
Me: Is our final at 10 AM?
Hutchinson: Nope.
Me: 8 AM?
Hutchinson: Yep.

Awesome. Glad I am so on top of things. Oh well. In about 14 hours I will be able to not think about school work for a whole month. Crazy.

It's also weird that I won't see anyone from school for a month. I mean, I've only known these people for like four months, but some of them I see and talk to everyday. Now I just won't see them at all for four weeks, then it will be right back to it. What a strange thing. I have been looking forward to going home to see all the people I haven't seen in months now. And while I'm still equally as happy to see them again, there is a part of me that knows I will miss some of the people that I've come to know here. I think that's a good sign.

Recent listenings:
Oh Inverted World by The Shins
Loyalty to Loyalty by Cold War Kids
Tera Melos by Tera Melos
Discovery by Daft Punk
The Moon and Antarctica by Modest Mouse
All the Suits Began to Fall Off by The Mercury Program
The Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place by Explosions in the Sky
On Letting Go by Circa Survive
Juturna by Circa Survive
Industrial Hero by Ben Darwish Trio
A Weekend in the City by Bloc Party
Silent Alarm by Bloc Party
Symphony No. 5 in C minor by Beethoven
Eine Kleine Nachtmusik by Mozart

Melody 5 (B182)

2009-12-14T23:56:00.000-08:00

Monday of finals week has been completed. How many finals did I have today? Zero. That led to a nice little coffee session in Oppenheimer with Waymond followed by a fairly productive day of piano-ing, marimba-ing, and singing. I also got some ear training in there too, I suppose.

All my finals take place between Tuesday and Thursday of this week, which is a good scene. It's spread out enough to make it bearable, but not so much to be annoying (i.e. having three finals on Monday then one on Friday). Tomorrow I have my percussion jury.

For those of you who don't know, a jury is basically my final for private lessons. For our studio at least, everyone is playing one solo and one orchestral excerpt. I am playing a marimba piece with the terrible name "Mystic Fire." In a cheesy lame way the name sort of fits. It sort of sounds like a metal song, except on marimba. My description is making this piece sound way lamer than it actually is. It's pretty good to be honest.

Anyways, so I my jury Tuesday. I have my Artful Arguing final Wednesday morning which I'm so excited for, followed by my aural skills final. Aural skills encompasses piano, sight-singing, and dictation. Thursday I have my written test for music theory. If for some reason you were dying to know my finals schedule, there you have it. I think I need to figure out my studying/practice hours for the next few days just to ensure my readiness.

I forgot how good Tera Melos is. They rock.

It starts out like a season in reverse (B181)

2009-12-13T02:34:00.000-08:00

In 4.5 days I will be rolling down I-5 towards my home. I'm glad to be spending some time there. I am enjoying a lot of aspects of my Tacoma/Puget Sound life, but I honestly would like a break. I need to not think about going to class, conserving meal points, and establishing a good schedule/routine. Sure, I'll still be productive over break, but it will be nice to just experience rest.

Some days I think I shouldn't do music because it's going to be so much work. But then I feel the whole, "that will make it worth it, because I'll have put so much work into it, and it will be really fulfilling to succeed." I decided that may or may not be true. It sounds good in theory, but I have some doubts. Maybe people shouldn't look for fulfillment in their career. A lot of people do. I think it must suck if that's what you are living for. Your career, ascending in the business world or the academic world, or whatever other world you are in. Sure, I want to work doing something I enjoy, but I don't want my life to revolve around it. Some people would say that means I shouldn't pursue music. I don't think I agree with them. Then again, I am still a very young and inexperienced human being.

I'm not sure what I'm doing, but I'll tell you when I decide.

I looked at a blog someone recommended to me recently. I liked it in some senses. Yeah, it had cool links and videos and stuff. But it was so focused on that stuff that I felt like I had to search to find anything he actually wrote that was longer than a few sentences. There isn't anything wrong with that if that's the purpose of your blog, but I've decided that's not the purpose of mine. Posting links and videos is fun and interesting sometimes, but I write a blog because I want to write. It helps me deal with my life in a positive way. Plus, I want my friends (and family, Sarah) to have some understanding what I am thinking and doing in my life.

Hopefully those people actually care about what I am thinking and doing in my life.

Kill me, burn me down, I swear I won't forget (B180)

2009-12-10T15:48:00.000-08:00

Classes are over, and reading period has begun. My experience thus far is that "reading period" is actually used as a drinking period by most students. I didn't really expect that sort of atmosphere/attitude coming to a small, fairly good private liberal arts school in Tacoma, WA. I mean I definitely expected there to be a lot of drinking, but not right before finals. I guess that's just how Puget Sound does things. Awesome.

I went to the annual Midnight Breakfast for about twenty minutes last night. Apparently a lot of schools do this. It's one of those traditions whose origins are a mystery to me. Like why do all high schools (at least in the Portland area) have a hypnotist at their senior all night party? It makes no sense. Anyways, MB pretty much sucked even more than I expected it to. I went with my friend Jay because he wanted some breakfast. We got some really bad, greasy hashbrowns and sausage. I don't know why we ate it, because it sucked. We ended up sitting in the cafe just talking and eating our sucky food. I saw a clearly drunk couple making out on a couch in the lounge next to the cafe. How much cooler does it get? In all seriousness, a middle school dance would probably be cooler than MB.

I guess I have one less thing to do next year.

Recent listenings:
The Moon and Antarctica by Modest Mouse
The Lonesome Crowded West by Modest Mouse
Commit This to Memory by Motion City Soundtrack
Seven Swans by Sufjan Stevens
The Question [Deluxe Edition] by Emery
Hell or High Water by As Cities Burn
Faith and Devotions of a Satellite Heart by The Violet Burning
Doppelganger by The Fall of Troy
In Shallow Seas We Sail by Emery